I'm releasing a lot of heavy old baggage today, lots of synchronistic conversation with my beloved Malachi after really weird dreams last night. Really messed up dreams. Things i have no toleration for even; like incest. Like i said really fucked up stuff, deep seeded fears and angers.
I was in court yesterday with my daughter to finish up and finalize an auto accident with my lawyer that happened to us and was a hit and run of April 13 2013, shes receiving her settlement. the place and atmosphere brought a lot of anxiety and memories of my past experiences with judges and my child custody case and divorce. even though it wasn't "tied" into why i was there that time. Lots of memories pouring and releasing from it though because the only connection they have to one another is the fact i gave my power away and as i allowed my ex husband and other people to hang me on a cross and act as a victim, i still allowed this. i now believe and have come into conscious awareness that i was beating up my own inner Divine Masculine, rejecting it because of the reflections i created outward and was reflecting my own abuse back to me in other forms of abuse all these years. I hadn't gotten the message until now to let everything go, truly surrender and energetically divorce myself from all the contracts i unconsciously created with all of them. My following experience and the talking with my beloved has cleared a way for me to truly accomplish breaking these chains i created long ago
Since 2008 (=10) when i first started recognizing pain in my body (post birth of my daughter from sept 2007) and my first car accident was in 2010 (=3 my life purpose number) when i was pregnant with my son (born march 2011). i have suffered with chronic pain since then. Its been my passion to heal and help others heal their pain through my personal experiences in feeling it all. Its what makes me one of the most intuitive massage therapists alive. Although pain in my own body has taken dominance in my right side, which represents the masculine. Ive felt symptoms predominately in my neck (throat chakra; not being heard or able to express my truth) and ribs into my traps/shoulder blades and wings (heart solar plexus) and down deep into my hips and tail bone (root and sacral) and it wraps around my right leg and twists down through my thight and knee. i will get spasms similar to fibromyalgia or inflammation or twerks that have me in pain trying to love it out of my body for a week or up to a month. Sometimes so bad id miss work. I have finally learned where this physical pain is coming from. Only aware that it was masculine imbalances over the years that i couldnt seem to reach deeper than that to really sever and psychically remove the trigger. This whole time frustrated that i keep dealing with these emotional wounds in these cycles i have been. I recently realized in all my advancement i I have never had an energetic divorce with my ex husband. I still hold on to a lot of rage and anger and sadness I just don't express anymore. That i thought ive "done enough forgiveness" techniques to sever but realizing even having my beloved in my life that it runs so deep even i dont know where the cords attach to be able to do the surgery. Thats where i got lost and each type im experiencing the same cycle. Where im sick or having pain patterns throughout the year, that it all correlates to the accidents and then directly to that deep seeded pain of abandonment and betrayal and being crucified when i at one point did speak my truth but NO ONE WANTED TO HEAR IT. Or believe it. No one. I wasnt only abandoned by my ex husband and many who i thought where "best friends" at one point during my divorce i even felt abandoned by my own Mother on many levels. So all of it stems to the need to forgive almost EVERYONE in my entire life. Im not just releasing this life but all past lives of the same heartache. I live the life of a true fairytale!
It is time for me to To finally energetically divorce every single person i ever came in contact to. Because i honestly refuse to keep carrying their burdens and karma. My life is starting anew! Im learning my lesson, breaking these cycles. And i am allowed a blank slate! Im owning my own power and returning back what is not meant to be my burdens with love and consciousness attached. It will be dealt back with abundance prosperity, wealth, health and success 3fold in return to me. They wont inflict my body and mind any longer with their fears and non allowances. I will stand up and move forward because thats my mission as Gods Divine Warrior. *battle cries*
This year i start a new. I break all bindings to the old that IS READY to fall away so i can become the Divine Woman i am destined to be!
This valentines day i faced a LOT of things. synchronistically being in certain places at just the right times. My Divine Masculine is restored, he is risen! Really got to shed all that is now "lost" and clear myself to start paving a new story with a love i knew i wasn't just dreaming about all my life. He holds my lotus high up in the sky, no man has ever done this my entire life. I learned this flower doesn't need flowers because she is the flower and she has a man who allows this flower to bloom open wide to be the light and love this world desperately needs. Including him. This valentines date i got a blind date with God, the Goddess, mySelf and my twin flame. I am so truly lucky, I am blessed beyond time and space! I am that i am!
Me and my beloved also had a "blind" date yesterday driving home in the evening from visiting my friends Krystal and Ben and their baby Scarlett in Leadville. Thats a synchronicity i wont mention here right now (long stories you can read somewhat about HERE)but i think they where brought in divinely to help me release my ex brandon - Separate blog to come, the most recent trauma and abusive relation i endured after my ex husband, Benjamin)
Our souls wanted out of the city for valentines day, craving the forest and the trees; we had a great time with them but when it was time to leave it was dark. we didnt realize how dark it can get in the mountains past 6pm and Our lights are so dim and our brights broken in the jeep that the drive home was a dark doozy. But given the fact both our life experiences are dark doozies up until we met, thats no surprise with the energies of the full moon in leo, commit and eclipse will lingering that our physical experience in the moment would be any different. It all correlates. To me that drive was the ending of our karmic "dark night of the soul" roller coaster we've both been riding on all this time. Now we can truly become the light, together as the TWIN FLAMES we are, we united! It was no coincidence we saw a truck on the drive up when it was still light out that said "I WILL" next to a sign saying "empire" pointing up the mountains and the number "232" which equals 7. 7 is a sign of going in the right direction and having full support. It is also the number representing my lineage and gifts as a mystic. Then the highway 40 below. 7+4=11 (twin flame). 4 being huge sign of angels and their support and guidance. Following behind that truck we noticed two cars which both license plates equaled 11. We got a double 11:11 plus the one on the sign was 3rd times the charm, which further confirmed our union. I feel this drive and that truck was our own private little "marriage" ceremony with our celestial entourage. "I WILL [marry you]" is truly within our hearts desires to be in union together; and we both have the Destiny (expression) number of 4 in numerology. We are riding the highway to our destiny (empire) with the angels cheering us the entire way! We are earth angels and together we will help transform the hearts and minds of this world!
My age is 29 he is 25 both born month 9 September.
Together we create the "rest station" or 7-11.
7+11=18=9 which represents completion. We see a lot of 7-11 synchronicities between us. To name one of the most recent; Just on monday we arrived at my daughters little cheerleading thing (that her dad forgot about so she wasnt even there) and we both got a admissions stamp put on our hand that was a #10; two 10s make 20 (a 2) or 1-1 which is twin flame. We walked through the gateway together, we've stepped into our roll as pillars. That night we even had a pep rally band sounding in our ears (basketball game getting ready to start). Its like all of heaven was celebrating for us even though the loud drums and symbols hurt our drum holes. All this has been showing us that We are within full completion of union together. We are moving up the ladder of ascension :)
It was a sure sign we are a strait shoot toward making it on top of the mountain we are traveling and that from this moment forward God is moving the boulders for us because we have remained faithful and dedicated in our mission with Spirit. All that has weighed us down is now exonerated and we are being exalted on high. We will not give up, we will not give in, we will not falter! He has removed the mountain and relieved us of the boulder we've been pushing up hill, that weve both been battling, and we have achieved freedom. The Divine Feminine and Divine Masculine are rising together and WE WILL reach the empire that awaits us atop this mountain with glorious cleansing bodies of water for us to bathe in and find peace!
Grandby here has a huge lake that i have memories at with my ex husband on 4 of july and another time planting trees and it is also the area i reacquainted after our divorce with another guy in which was the first guy i ever "loved" or truly had a crush on and first guy to ever "hurt my heart" when I was in the 7th and 8th grade; his name was Matthew and its no irony that the bible verse "matthew 17:20" came to me today while sharing this experience, didnt correlate to me until this moment
"If ye have faith as a grain of mustard sead, ye
shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you."
1+7+2=10 (a new cycle)
Plus my beloved and I have been in a relationship for 7 1/2 months now (8 months on the 19th to date. 8 still represents infinity, which together we create the triple infinity. the 19th is also 10!)
it can also represent 2017! The year of action
We went through the year of completion in 2016, finally that is coming to a close and now we moved into a new vibrational frequency of 2017
We are in the new cycle of 10...WE MADE IT!
10 = 1
Number 1 resonates with the vibrations and attributes of new beginnings, creation, independence, uniqueness, motivation, striving forward and progress, ambition and will power, positivity and positiveness, the energies of pioneering, raw energy, force, activity, self-leadership and assertiveness, initiative, instinct and intuition, the masculine attributes, organization, achievement and success, strength and self-reliance, tenacity, forcefulness and authority, love, inspiration, attainment, glory, happiness, fame, fulfilment and omniscience, and creating your own realities. It is a reminder from your angels that we are all connected and we are all associated by our thoughts. It asks you to be aware of your thoughts and focus upon your true heart’s desires so that they are able to positively manifest your desires into your life. Do not focus on your fears and what you don’t want as these can also manifest. It encourages you to look to new beginnings, opportunities and projects with a positive and optimistic attitude as these are appearing in your life for very good reason. Your angels want you to achieve and succeed with your desired goals and aspirations so do not hesitate in taking positive steps and striving forward. Do not allow fears, doubts or concerns to hold you back from living and serving your Divine life purpose and soul mission. It also encourages you to take up challenges with total faith and trust in yourself and the Universal Energies.
His divine masculine is rising up and gaining movement through my unconditional love and knowing we are twin flames and that i am loyal, as is he, together we are royal and he's accepting this within himself as i am accepting it within me and i am releasing all pain and suffering attached to the masculines in my life and all that my heart needed to release from its deep seeded betrayal i was haunted with. Now i can embrace my own divine masculine and love it for the beautiful gift it is. No favoritism towards the masculine or feminine for both are necessary and divine and of God.
the angels are always protecting us so we got home safely regardless of our steering being rough almost deadly, almost no lights and no heater (literally he needs a new jeep its falling apart). I got to end the night with a hot bath and fall asleep cuddling with my beloved and relaxing under his hands to a nice massage. May not have gotten any Roses but he's the only thing that makes my lotus bloom so thats all that matters to me :-D
Roses are red
Violets are blue
All are glorious to receive
But in the end all i really need
Is my Lotus to bloom with you
- Trinity to Malachi
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