Letter To A Mistaken Twin November 2015 beginning of Soul Shock

Lucas,

I dont even know where to begin with this letter. I am writing it while I am in Arizona visting a good friend of mine - but all I can think about is writing this letter so I'm up until 3 AM doing so. It has to be written or else i swear to God my heart is going to explode if I don't say what I am being guided by God to say. And i cant seem to muster up the guts in person. I figured since you write to Skye often, youde be used to letters. Which kind of works out in my favor because i can clarify how i feel through a letter much easier than stuttering and mixing up everything in my brain, in person, and likely sounding like a complete idiot. I apologize in advance for the length of this letter and if this letter jumps from one thing to the next, I just had to be able to let it flow out and it may have a terrible structure for that reason.

I want you to take this letter very seriously. Everything im about to say might come to you as a shock, but i feel God has somehow placed me in your life at this time as some sort of intervention. Im literally an Angel in disguise at this point, and im being told to come out of the closet (so to speak) and stop hiding. If you feel at ALL that there is any truth within these pages for you, i beg you to please say something now. No matter how you may react to this, i want you to know it comes from a place of unconditional love, and no matter what I don't want it to destroy our friendship, but i MUST be honest. You may see it as a bit aggressive, but that is just who I am. I see it more as a passion then aggression, but I feel the only way to get your attention is to be a little aggressive. I have no wish to give you ultimatums or try to control you. No matter what you choose, I will support you in every way but it won't change how I feel. I will honor your free will and I dont want this to effect our friendship that we have now, but i cant keep suppressing how i feel either. It makes me cry the second i leave your side because i have been keeping it in. Constantly there are reruns going through my head to try and figure out how to say it and chickening out whenever there is an opportune time that i should. Like when your mom made a comment about your ringtone for skye. There was no coincidence in that moment. I want you to be aware of the energy you are setting for your entire marriage in choosing that ringtone. Your ringtone, expresses your feelings toward Skye more than ANYTHING else. You can say you love her all you want, but it clearly expresses your suppressed aggravation towards her. It depicts her as a nuisance, a true ball and chain; not someone you are deeply in love with. A wife should not be depicted as a "ball and chain", they should be someone who makes you feel free and supported. If someone is going to represent a "ball and chain" that isn't necessarily something you want to get married into in my opinion because thats a symbol of being dragged down and weighed behind. She's the one in jail, not you. Just cuz that is her fate, doesnt have to make it yours.

I want you to take a moment and REALLY think about the next questions im about to ask you.

Why do you love Skye and why do you feel the need to SACRIFICE yourself for this woman who has honestly, offered you NOTHING but drama and never will offer you anything more than that? Heck honestly, i can't even call her a "woman", she is in no way mature enough to be labeled that, nor has the experience of one. What about her makes your heart skip a beat the second you see or talk to her? (the ways yours has effected mine since the day i first met you) or does she even make you feel that way? What does she do to bring you joy, and to lift you up and encourage you? What does she BRING to your life, what are the benefits she brings to you that are in alignment with your own highest good?!

I want you to take a moment to check into your own body. Listen to how it responds to these questions and this letter as a whole. Does thinking of her bring anxiety and a lingering feeling like "i wish i didnt have to deal with this", or does it bring your happy tingling sensations? do you TRULY miss her, and long for her to be here next to you? Does she bring you a sensation of ecstasy? Now when you think about me, how does your body respond? If she was not in jail and was able to be right next to you, how do you envision living your day to day life with her? what do you have in common that you would enjoy with one another (besides Anime). Would she be willing to go out of her own comfort zone to do things you enjoy and need in your own life?

I want you to fully realize she isnt by your side right now in the physical for a very good reason. The universe has her separated from you, and is keeping her as such for a very good reason. When one is ignoring the calls of their own soul, it does drastic things to keep you seperated from what is not healthy for you so you can make room for that which has your highest good in mind. God wants to bless you Lucas, but you have to be willing to let go of the baggage youre CHOOSING to carry and it needent be necessary that you carry the load that she is.

What is contained within that bag that you want to hold onto, can't imagine giving up or letting go? What illusions are your facing at this time that are keeping you blinded to and keeping you from manifesting your deepest desires, and dreams? What fears keep you from leaving such a disfunctional relationship and have you settling for less than you truly deserve!? is it the fear of being alone? Are you simply comfortable with the fact that she's in jail, and thus in a place that she "cant hurt you" like Nichole did? In jail she can't cheat on you, unless its with another woman, right? You're "safe" with her being in jail. You have more "control" that way. But what if the woman who's meant for you is standing right in front of you, a woman who wishes to help support you in every way with no expectations in return. what if you're missing the biggest opportunity presented to you at this time and totally ignoring it! Are you so afraid of being hurt again, that you aren't willing to risk being with her, that you'd rather play it safe?

The thing is you aren't playing it safe. I know Skye is going to hurt you Lucas, she does it to everyone and doesn't even realize it.Hurt people, hurt people, and its a sick cycle they continue to weave.

You know youre at a crossroads in your life right now. I was once on the cusp also, and it was at that time i had to make a choice for my own happiness and not focus on everyone elses. All signs are pointing to the right, while all you see is shadows of uncertainty and fog on the left but youre choosing to keep on the fogged path because of the brief happiness it gave you in the past. You pointed out to me a woman who is like a best friend to you, that you would be with if you and Skye ever broke up, but this woman sees you as a brother. Why pine after women who don't want you, don't see your worth, who aren't meant for you! If you where truly in love with Skye or happy with her, you wouldn't even be wondering "what if" with anyone else... or doubting your relationship to the point that you'de even say "if Skye and I ever split up". That is already a clear indication that it has crossed your mind, and is likely going to happen. You verbalizing it only makes it that much more powerful for it to be manifested because words have power. I did that with Ben, and guess what... i have two kids with him and we're divorced now. I knew from the beginning, deep in my heart even though i was "in love with him", that someday we'de be divorced. (by the way i was so ignorant that i didnt even believe his own dad who blatantly told me "even if you marry him, he will cheat on you".) Because we already discussed it while we where married, hell even BEFORE we got married it was being mentioned. "If we ever get divorced this is how its going to go down" and things DIDNT go down the way we planned. It went the exact opposite and turned into both of ours worst nightmare. It didn't help that he cheated on me.

I quite honestly am scared shitless that you are making the SAME mistake I did, promissing yourself to Skye. You will waste years on her until you figure it out then you will just be left feeling the same way you did after Nichole. All i see is if you do marry her, you will wind up like me... a single father with LOTS of emotional pain and heartache. I don't wish what I've been put through, upon ANYONE! I hope you realize that NO MATTER WHAT SKYE SAYS ABOUT FUTURE CHILDREN, she will NEVER be a good mom. She HATES kids. She is not even GROWN UP enough, or mature enough, to handle herself or take responsibility for her own crap, if you think in 4 years she'll be mature enough to have kids, you are misled. She just expects everyone to enable and save her just like my ex husband. Even in jail she tries to rule your life by telling you to cut ties with Heather. If it werent for heather, she wouldnt even fucking have you in her life! And quite honestly all i hear about Skye is drama. Always drama. It never ends and NEVER WILL END. She feeds off it! And thats only half the reason i never had much want to be her friend or get to know her very well.

Skye slept with 20 guys IN ONE MONTH (by the way ive been with a total of 10 and my ex husband was the first and only man i had ever been with in a serious or sexual relationship, he took my virginity!) What about a woman like that makes you even ASSUME she's going to be loyal to you, when she has a track record of cheating on the majority of them. Hell all I ever hear in regards to her and heather is how she's always pissed off at Heather because supposedly "heather stole HER man"... fuck she thinks EVERY GUY is HERS. I quite honestly feel that the ONLY reason she's keeping you wrapped around her finger is because she knows you're financially responsible, she knows you will make good money someday, and thats ALL she fucking cares about. She's two faced, and she's playing you. I know you don't want to hear these things, and im not usually the type to bash people, i dont like doing but I can't not call it how i've seen it, and this entire time i've seen it all from an unattached, and outside perspective. I wouldn't say these things if I felt a different energy from her. I would actually attempt to help you and her in your relationship, but she isn't even WORTH the effort. Skye doesn't WANT to change. She doesnt want help to help herself, she wants to be saved. NO ONE can save anyone, they can ONLY save themselves. She's a "damsel in distress" looking for a prince to save her. You have been her prince, but guess what Lucas... you aren't a prince. YOU'RE A MOTHER FUCKING KING! and you deserve a QUEEN who's ready to help guide you and stand by your side in equal effort to become a GREAT LEADER and to be the great man I KNOW you are!

What do you want in this life Lucas? What are your deepest dreams and desires? What do YOU want? Take skye out of the picture. Realize NO ONE will bring you happiness, you have to find it within yourself. This is a time to act "selfish" and do what you need to do FOR YOU. Skye is in jail and your life wrapped around HER limitations, which is only making you feel unbalanced. You aren't receiving what you need! You cant have a healthy, committed relationship because she is in there. You have to turn to other women to fill in where she is absent. How fair is that to ANY other woman you "date" in the meantime? You give a piece of yourself to them, but emotionally everything is given to Skye and still in pain from Nichole. Skye doesn't deserve it. She's in jail because she has some very tough lessons to learn, lessons you DO NOT need to learn or go through WITH her, and if you think being with her to support her because she literally has NO ONE ELSE (because she doesnt), is going to help change her, you are being misled. You can't change anyone Lucas. no matter how many chances you give them, or how much they "promise" they will stop their horrid behavior. I above anyone know this from experience. Hell even if she wasnt in jail i cant quite promise your relationship would make it. I have had many experiences with such dysfunctional relationships, believe me when I tell you this. I HAVE THE EXPERIENCE TO BACK UP WHAT I AM SAYING IN THIS LETTER! I have already been there and done that, and I don't want to see you suffer through that kind of bull shit. I feel like i am literally here to save your life, to stop you before you make the WORST decision of you life. A decision I once made and i SUFFERED from for a LONG time. I promised myself to a man who... only made me raise two kids practically ALONE, just to turn around and fucking cheat on me with our best friend. To LEAVE me... for her, and then play me when he saw me returning to the "woman he fell in love with" and bounced back and forth between us both in emotional despair while trying to decide who he loved more. I was his wife and i should have never became an "option", if he ever loved me to begin with, that wouldn't have happened, there would have been no need to an "open relationship". At least that's how I always felt. I finally made the choice for him, and the choice to save my own life and sanity and to reestablish the respect i deserved; and I left him. Do you think leaving my husband was easy? Was something i ever WANTED to do? You aren't even married to skye yet, be thankful for that! Add kids into the mix... makes it even worse. Eventually you will hear all the stories about my ex husband and I, and you will HATE the man. Just about as much as i dislike Skye. You are about to choose that for yourself. Is that really what you want?

I see Skye as a PARASITE. SHE IS TOXIC and thats all your relationship with her is going to be! If you think her being out of jail, will change the dynamics of your relationship, you are not seeing things clearly. Skye has absolutely NO experience in life to be responsible for herself or take responsibility for her own life. SHE DOESN'T WANT TO! Even in jail all she does is bitch and complain and you have to continually point out "hey you did this to yourself". If she felt ANY remorse for her behavior, she wouldn't be asking you to remove heather from your life, she wouldn't be demanding ANYTHING of you. she wouldn't remain so angry and hostile towards Heather. She would admit to her faults and ACTIVELY work towards changing her own life and REPAIRING friendships. I don't feel she has ANY desire to do this. Fuck, she doesn't have SHIT to do in jail, she could be attempting to get her GED/HS Diploma and then "going to college" while shes in there... or hell even working out and getting her body back into a healthy state like you do all the time. I find it fucked up that she's so lazy that sometimes she doesn't even want you to visit because "she doesnt want to get ready for that"... WHO THE FUCK WOULDN'T WANT THEIR MAN TO COME SEE THEM NO MATTER WHAT IT TOOK TO ACCOMPLISH IT!? I would go out of my way to spend time with you, in fact i do ALL the time and i ENJOY IT! The only thing jail is doing for her... is keeping her from drinking and causing another auto accident or worse. (and you do realize she won't have a license for a LONG time and you will be her taxi driver for a very long time). She fucking KILLED PEOPLE because of her irresponsibility Lucas!!! You CANT RESURRECT PEOPLE FROM THE DEAD... she took peoples LIVES. She shows no remorse for this in her behavior! That isn't something to take lightly. That isnt someone who "deserves" a second chance especially when she's clearly taking that second chance for granted! Yes shes "paying her time", but what do you expect is going to happen in 4 years when she's released? She's going to depend SOLEY ON YOU, get back into drinking and you will have an alcoholic wife.

She will PRETEND she wants to be a "mom" so she can stay home and not do SHIT but be dependent on you for money, stability and the whole shebang. She's been spoiled her whole life, that is why she is the way she is, selfish. If you end up splitting up and have a child, she will take you through the ringers for all your worth and that kid will be screwed. Even if she gives you children, its YOU who will be left taking care of them because she will never have the patience or ability to do so. Hell Lucas, she cant even get a job, and being a felon she will NEVER be able to find something above min wage even if YOU paid for her to go to school.

The other day you mentioned how expensive just a cell phone is and that she's gunna expect you to get her one. You claim you won't unless she allows you to have the ring tone. Why fight with her over a ringtone. You KNOW its going to piss her off and she's not going to allow it. Since you're going to be married to her you will be forced to get her a phone regardless AND change the ringtone. You will have NO freedom. Literally... none... if you marry skye. You will be paying for EVERYTHING, FOREVER, and because of that you will struggle greatly. What do you think she's going to do to help contribute to the family or your relationship? i guarantee she isn't going to do shit! Nada. You're already talking about if you have a kid, how you will be a single father. WHY IN GODS NAME WOULD YOU WANT THAT!!!??? WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO YOURSELF!??? to an innocent child? Skye wont love that child... she's going to envy it, neglect it, probably abuse it like she abuses herself because thats what hurt people do. All we know she could start drinking again and wind up back in jail, and blame YOU for it all.

The thing is... people have to WANT to change, for things to change in their lives. I don't see Skye WANTING to change. I see her "trying"... but not actually doing anything to better herself. Just like my ex Brandon who i just broke up with in July. I was forced to provide for him,while he fed me all these promises that he NEVER could hold up to, just like my damn ex husband. There was absolutely NO STABILITY. the word "stability" i couldnt include in my vocabulary. that concept did no exist. he begged me for a baby and I refused because HE COULDN'T EVEN HOLD A JOB TO HELP FINANCIALLY. The weight of the world was on my shoulders to provide. All he did was scream and cuss at my kids also so why would i give him another child he'd treat equally horrible. God SKYE... is the female version of ALL THE SHITTY MEN I'VE DATED.

I finally meet the man I deserve... the type of man I've been begging God to bless me with, and he's promising himself to the worst person he ever could. You aren't going to be happy with her. There is no happiness between you two even in the present moment. It will always be an uphill battle, a fight, an argument. Someone as AMAZING as you, does not deserve a relationship like that. You didnt deserve what Nichole did to you either. It kills me that you don't see how much we have in common. down to the T of our relationships with other people and what we put ourselves through for them because we are so loyal. Yes people deserve second chances, but there comes a point where you have to step back and stop trying to save everyone. They MUST take responsibility for themselves and they wont do that if you continue to enable them.

You made a mistake getting with Skye. If you held off for just ONE month, it could and would have been US together. Had you allowed yourself time to heal, you would not be in the predicament you are now facing. I can help you heal from all your emotional scars Lucas. I've been there, I've been through the dark night of the soul, and  by the GRACE OF GOD, I'm still here. I have a purpose and that purpose is to help others who are going through and have been through the same things I have been. You likely wouldn't be in the physical state you are now had that happened. I want you to realize that the pain you are enduring is NOT just from your injuries, you are suffering greatly from inner emotional trauma... the only way to fully heal the pain in your body is to realize this, acknowledge it, and let go of what is no longer serving you! Skye is causing you physical pain, you just don't see it. Brandon did it to me also. I was told from the same healer who healed my tendonitis that in a past life he had broken my tail bone and stabbed me in the back out of jealousy and an attempt to "stop me" from fulfilling my purpose. A week before I actually broke up with Brandon (and wrote him a 6 hour letter of how he had been affecting me the past year and a half and how i needed it all to change and if it wasnt going to I wouldn't continue being in relationship with him), I couldn't even TOUCH my tailbone or low back without SCREAMING. And my shoulder was inflamed and in so much pain i could hardly stand it. It wasn't until I finally LEFT him, which God was telling me to do for MONTHS (and i had my reasons why i didnt sooner than i did), that that pain WENT AWAY. The physical pain ive felt the past year and a half being with him, dissipated SUBSTANTIALLY and I haven't experienced it in those area's since. Brandon and my ex husband where both KARMATIC SOUL MATES (i will teach you the differences in soul mates if you want me to for there are many types), those relationships where meant to help me complete contracts I agreed to enter into before I chose this life, and they served their purpose. no matter how painful they where, they CATALYZED my awakening. I believe if Skye is ANYTHING at this point, she is nothing else to you but a Karmatic Soul Mate and she's played her roll, so was Nichole and equally, she played her roll as well. I don't think you have to go through all that I did, all that suffering and pain. You have the chance to have it a little bit easier than I did, UNLESS you WANT to choose the hard way, then I cannot stop you. We are all on our own journey, and I will not tamper with your own free will. I will say this though, that no matter what route you choose to take,  I feel I am here now, my purpose here is to help catalyze your own awakening and enlightenment, to build up your confidence, and nurture you. To introduce you to a reality you only know to exist in video games. To show you what TRUE LOVE REALLY IS, and you to do the same for me.

How could you promise yourself to a woman you KNEW was going to jail for AUTOMOBILE MANSLAUGHTER? who's being sued for over a million dollars? I made the poor choice in choosing to help irresponsible homeless men, who honestly NEEDED to be in jail because they are better off there then allowed to wander free just to destroy other peoples lives. WHO do you think is going to end up paying her debt off the rest of their lives? Her????... HELL NO, ITS GOING TO BE YOU! you use her being sued as an excuse as to why you arent married yet. that's all it is, is an excuse. There's a reason you are delaying marrying her... a deeper reason than just that. You're procrastinating because you subconsciously, DON'T WANT TO! If you want a nice wedding that you want to remember, you would have to wait 4 years for it to begin with. Why put your life on hold for someone like Skye? Why in the hell would you label someone your wife before you where ever even married or before said person could PROVE to you they are responsible and worthy to even be your wife?! The universe won't allow you to even give her the wedding ring, IT WAS SENT BACK... why are you ignoring the signs from your own SELF!

Brandon kept trying to call me his wife, and he couldn't even afford a ring, hell he couldn't even afford a wedding or to buy me a dress or ANYTHING. Just like my ex husband, i wouldnt have had another court marriage, which is NOT what I want. The apartment we lived in, was all acquired by me and MY hard work etc. He couldn't even manage money, or be financially responsible. He was so financially IRRESPONSIBLE that he owes money to two banks and can't get a bank account. He basically cost me $20,000 and I won't ever see a dime of that back from him. He wouldnt even have a truck to live in right now if it wasnt for ME! I feel like, instead of being honored as a woman all my life... ive been the one supporting and wearing the pants in a relationship like a man should be. I have been sucked dry of all my resources and its my own fault for choosing men who can't make responsible choices in their own lives to be stable at the age of 30 and me thinking i can "save" them or "change" them! you have no idea how exhausting that is. I have NO CLUE what its like to be actually NURTURED by a man, I've always been the one doing the nurturing because that is my compassionate nature. I'm done trying to help "save" men who do not wish to be saved, who only want a free ride and not have to do ANYTHING it takes to truly change their lives. A relationship should be EQUAL and ive never in my life experienced that. It's a damn shame. And you sure as hell wont experience that with Skye... ever.

You are second guessing your relationship. If you loved her, and you where "equally yoked" or had ANYTHING in common, or had ANY FAITH in your relationship you wouldn't be comfortable with "an open relationship", or have any of these doubts you've shown to me, surfacing about youre relationship. You are looking for an escape but you probably feel you are in too deep, made promises you feel you HAVE to keep, and I'm here right now to tell you... YOU DO NOT HAVE TO DO THIS! You can choose, right now... to say you are sick and tired of it, you are done with it and finally decide to do what would be best FOR YOU, not anyone else but FOR YOU. You can leave Skye and there isn't shit she could do about it. If there is ANY HOPE in Skye changing, her catalyst will be you, by you leaving her and her having to do the hard work of picking herself up from the mess of a life she created herself. That is the ONLY way she has a chance of "changing". If you want whats best for her, and if any part of you loves her at all, you would let her go. You can send all her crap back to her grandmothers house, make her deal with it. You can ignore her phone calls, her letters that will only spew anger, resentment, blame, and guilt towards you for choosing to do whats BEST for you, and ultimately in the long run what is best for her also. It is selfish of her to allow you an open relationship but demand that she not know a thing about it.

In my eyes, you are nothing but an asset to Skye. I don't think that girl even knows what the fuck true love is. I do... i know what true love is, because I finally found it. AFTER multiple failed relationships, I have learned to love myself, and in loving myself finally raised my vibration high enough in love that I was able to manifest you. You are perfect in my eyes. I at this point, i dont want anyone else. I don't think I could feel the way i do with you... with ANYONE ELSE. And I wouldn't WANT to. You're it, you're the one... but I can't even fully have you! I know you want me too, but you aren't allowing it. You are resisting it, remaining stuck. You are SO FOCUSED ON SKYE that you are not noticing anything else that's going on around you. Skye is NO LONGER lighting up your life (i don't think she ever truly has), she is stuck in the dark. Here i am sitting in the light, an opportunity, just waiting for you to realize my potential and the amazing union we CAN create. You're throwing your one and only chance to TRULY be happy, for a lost and very fucked up individual like Skye. I wasted 7 years of my life on someone like Skye... and I don't wanna witness you do the same just to realize the truth im speaking now. You will think back on this letter, and regret you didnt leave her sooner. But guess what Lucas, I will still be here, even if 8 years down the road you and Skye have children and all that I told you would happen; happens. I'm going to still be here... waiting for you. I wanted you 3 years ago Lucas... i've been sitting on the side lines, for 3 years now... waiting for you to come to your senses and leave Skye so I can approach you, and since you never have I never said anything, i kept my distance, and kept my mouth shut because we haven't been "close enough" for me to voice my opinion on the matter or for you to even possibly care about my two cents. Now its been a few years and you're in an "open relationship" which wasnt even a possibility before. Now i have an open door, i have been given, by the grace of god, this opportunity to be with you, and i'm not going to waste it.  I know you have no intentions of leaving Skye, but... why? If you found someone who would give everything they have to help support you in any way you need, truly asks nothing in return but for you to equally support her as she would you; and truly made you smile, enjoyed doing the same things, and being around the same people, why in God's name would you give that up... for her? Why is Skye so "special". What is she giving you, that I cannot? I hear your tone of voice when  you talk to her on the phone Lucas, and your tone of voice DOES NOT incline that you are happy. I hear more happiness in your voice when you talk to me, laugh with me, and when I call to wake you in the morning, then I do when you talk to her. Now i dont know how things where between you and any of the recent girls you dated who needed a label, but I guarantee you I am NOT like ANY of them. I am a rare gem and you will NEVER, EVER, find someone like me again. You have no clue how many men are out there DYING to have a chance with me, and I turn every single one of them down. I swear to God i would rather be alone forever, then be with anyone else but you. This has nothing to do with labels. I don't need labels, I could care less about them. I don't wish ownership of you. none of it will change the fact that the love i feel for you is nothing i've ever experienced or felt before. I would have NEVER, EVER agreed to even date you right now, if i wasn't CONVINCED by the universe (you can assume im insane, but i will reassure you that i am not), that you are the one. You are the masculine side of my soul, you are my twin flame, my TRUE soul mate. If everywhere I looked didn't include a synchronicity to prove to me you are the one i've been searching for, I would not be dating you. I would not put myself through the pain i am battling every night when I'm away from you. Or everytime she calls and you tell her you love her, but i'm the one in your arms DYING for you to say it to me. Or rather dying that i cannot express or say it to you in every way shape and form that i want to. You have NO CLUE how much i have to hold back and resist. I want to give you every piece of me, but because emotionally i cannot have you, I cannot give every piece of myself to you. In you're eyes you are married (though you are not and if you truly where legally, i definitely woulnd't be dating you), and because of this, i feel like a mistress. I feel...like i am Amanda. I swore to God I would NEVER be one of "her". Be "the other woman", in the shadows. I feel like i am LOWERING myself, disrespecting myself and my own worth, choosing to date you. I know what an amazing woman I am, I know what I can bring to the table and I know that ANYONE ELSE would KILL to be with me. I am worthy of being loved, and it just sucks that I have to always attract emotionally unavailable men. But it's different with you. I have been where you are. I understand how you are feeling, what you are going through. It took me 4 years to heal, and I still am, believe me, I'm not finished yet, but I have grown very strong and i did it all on my won, no one helped me (besides heather) and all I ask is that you give me a chance to show you how better life could be and let me help you.

Even after you've seen Skye, there's not much excitement there. I feel like she is dragging you down and it KILLS ME to watch. You are such a loyal person, so caring, so responsible, like me you are a libra... we are the ride or die type. How for so long I have wished to be with someone like you. It takes someone CHEATING on us... to wake us up and force us to leave. I know you better than you know yourself at this point because WE ARE ONE AND THE SAME! I guarantee you, years down the road, no matter if you marry Skye or not... she will be unfaithful and she will not even put forth half the effort you do.Skye is one of the most selfish people I've ever met that even if you stayed with her and she winds up in jail again, she would blame you for it.

I've been cheated on more than once Lucas. My ex Jon also cheated on me, and I had an itching feeling that Brandon also was (and if he wasn't he otherwise lied to me about his previous relations). All the men I've been with have emotionally and mentally manipulated and abused me... and sucked me dry. Just like Skye is doing to you. I can see it, i can feel it. She is a VAMPIRE. I can sense them a MILE away. Now i don't know if you know what an Empath is, but I am an Empath. I can feel peoples emotions, feelings, their energy long before THEY even know what they are feeling. You can deny everything in this letter all you want, but deep down you will know I speak truth and can see the truth of your situation on a very deep and expanded view.

Some people can't handle that I am in essence a "mirror" (the moon), I can't help but reflect to them the darkest hidden and suppressed parts of themselves. That's part of my healing abilities. It's not always something i "enjoy" doing because its painful, it can piss them off, it takes a lot of guts on my part. Normally I'm one who keeps their mouth shut. It is unlike the "old" me to even do what I am right now, writing a love letter. I'm the SHY one, i am not the one that often does the approaching! The universe is URGING me to so that is the only reason I am at this time. I would otherwise wait patiently until you made the move, if EVER you did, if not then I'd just move on. BUT at this point I have no other option!I am a very kind, sensitive and dreamy person, and usually very timid (like a rabbit, my Chinese astrology sign). I seek heart to heart conversations and I am VERY intuitive, I can't control not going to the core of someones emotional traumas. I have gifts that I can't control, nor do i wish to turn them off. Remember the other night when we where sitting outside with your step dad, i was sitting on your lap and we where talking about something (i can't remember what exactly), but i literally said what you where just thinking and you told me you where just thinking it. I am telepathic, and that gift is only getting stronger and stronger. I can't turn it on, it happens very randomly, but it happens often with me, as do MANY strange encounters. I am having new psychic experiences and I need someone that I can share these things with freely. I want to know that, whether we're friends or more, that I can do this with you without it freaking you out. When I told you I am taking time for "me to grow", this is what I was talking about.

The choice I'm asking you to make at this time is NOT between me or her. This is a choice in regards to YOUR own happiness and continued abundance. Sometimes when we're very focused on the day to day, we don't notice that others (or our angels) are offering us a lovely opportunity. You need to stand back from your situation, look around, and ask yourself, "What beautiful possibility might be around the next corner?". It's possible to be aware of something good that came your way, but perhaps you dismiss it as not being of value or not what you wanted at the time. You are simply being asked to reconsider, now that you are consciously aware that you can, being free from guilt, choose to do so. Perhaps the option you said "no" to is better than you think. Or maybe taking full advantage of the opportunity will lead you to what you want. You may feel like this situation is to complex or difficult to solve; however, you must realize that you have the help of God and the angels at your side. You also have me. You will ALWAYS have me. As long as you allow me to be around, I will be here. Whether you leave Skye or not, whether you choose another woman over me or not, I will be here. Even if you push me away, I'll be here. I know where you live, you know where I live. We have the same best friend. I won't give up on you, I believe you are worth fighting for, no matter how long it takes to convince you that I love you. I love you so unconditionally even if you had children with Skye, and was a single father, I would help you. I would help you raise that child as if it where my own. Now i would much rather that child be mine, for us to have a family together, but if that was to ever come to pass, I wouldn't abandon you. You are safe with me Lucas. I want you to know that. I would never do ANYTHING to hurt you. just making you bump your head made me want to cry! I am like no one you have ever met in your entire life. I am not like Nichole, or Skye, or anyone else you've ever dated. I'm not here to take ownership over you, or to use you, and never... EVER would I abandon you. I am not a selfish person. Well, i can be in some ways... but I am pure. And I just know things, that few other people know. I have wisdom beyond my years, that is why i have friends well in their 40's. Whether you believe in Psychics or not, or how you feel about them, but that is pretty much what I am. It took me a very long time to realize it, let alone accept it given my very strict and religious upbringing. I'm still struggling to tell my mom, she's a very judgemental and fearful person. I literally had to take all that I was conditioned and told to believe growing up, and reprogram my mind, and detach from the individuals who condemn the new person I am embracing. I won't deny who I am now, though. Magic exists in my world, and so do Avatars. Everything in a video game, in my eyes, is just a parallel universe. In another dimension, that I can access, it exists. See me as a Shaman, a witch, a Oracle, Guru, Goddess,Angel, Fairy, Elf, I can go on. I have been all of them in past lives, and only integrating these gifts back into this life to help raise my own vibration and also others. whatever you wish to label it, that is who I AM. I no longer can deny it, suppress it, pretend it doesn't exist. In some peoples eyes... I am entirely insane. But in many, well they see how brightly I shine and how free i am in my true form. finding who I really am has changed my life in miraculous ways. (you will often hear me speak of my "higher self" which is my actual soul, and my true name is Trinity, or the Triple Mother Goddess. She has 3 aspects but is one goddess; the mother, the maiden and the crone. This is why I have such a love for moon, because I AM the moon Goddess. I will tell you my crone aspect has a HUGE connection with Japan, the Goddess Ame-No-Uzume, was one of my incarnations and she plays a BIG roll in my life now. You being Japanese, is no coincidence to me and honestly makes me feel more at home because I relate so closely with its mythology, and obviously its practices since I do Reiki). I have finally gained the ability to visualize what I want in life, and manifest it. To know my purpose, why i exist here. I know I am an expression of God, having a human experience and in reality, I come from the stars, an "alien" so to speak. I am not from Earth and this place doesn't make sense to me most of the time. You will often hear me talk about the 3D or 5D, these are different levels of consciousness, and i am usually floating in the 5th Dimension, often doing a lot just to stay grounded in the 3D as the Earth and humanity itself transitions fully into the 4th and the 5th, which my purpose it to help assist them in this. I am an anchor of the new energies coming to Earth at this time. I am here to help raise consciousness. I am finally learning and gaining the ability to be able to to focus, and be able to communicate my visions to become a leader in my field and assist others in their own journeys. Bare in mind, these are not "easy" things to be telling you. I can only imagine what's going through your head right now. But this stuff is VERY real to me. And I am not the only one experiencing these types of things at this time. 4 years ago, I would have committed myself to an mental hospital, but I know I am not insane. I have lost many friends with coming into consciousness of all these things, and expressing them, but i also have gained many new ones who are like-minded and completely understand what im experiencing. I am "building my tribe" so to speak. My "soul family" is coming together. It's rather fun and exciting when you really think about it and open yourself up to it.

I will tell you right now, I've done over a dozen different readings with my cards, consulted other gifted individuals, and synchronicity in and of itself has shown me, what roll you are playing in my life. And I have not been following the guidance to tell you all this sooner. I've been waiting for the right time, like i said. And there just is no real opportune time to do it, but Now. 11:11 = being in the NOW moment. It also means twin flames, the union with your soulmate. 11/11/2015 is the day soulmates are reuniting and their true journeys together begin. I kind of find it a synchronicity that I have been attempting to write this for over a month, and this weekend finally took as many hours as was needed, to finally do it. This is not at all easy for me Lucas. All I know is rejection in my life. That is all I know. My deepest insecurity would be abandonment and betrayal. Just like you. I know you know how I feel, and that just validates to me even more how you are the one. On so many levels, we can help heal one another. As i heal, you heal. When you are also healed, i heal. We are both blocked because the key missing is EACH OTHER. Just sleeping next to you, I am healing you and you in return healing me. You are in my dreams more than anyone i've ever dated before. I have never given anyone i've been with before the amount of massage I already have given to you. I do it because it's healing me also! I am ready for OUR pain and suffering to end! I have done a LOT of work on myself to get to where I am emotional. To remotely have any confidence in myself. to really, love me. To finally wake up and see what I deserve. It was not easy for me to break up with Brandon in July. I do not like hurting people. I am very loyal and I will go through almost ANYTHING for someone I love. But i had to wake up, and see my own worth. He was holding me back, he was a ball and chain. I am not looking for anyone to make me happy. I am happy because I found love for myself. I can go on without you, I've moved on many times, it's painful. But I don't WANT to. I never in my life have felt the emotions i do for you, for anyone. I thought I knew what love was when I was with Ben... but i hadn't had a clue, I was settling with him. I can't even describe how I feel when I'm with you. You got me writing poetry again, you don't know this, but I haven't written in YEARS. I can vision myself writing a book now, when just a few years ago, I felt I had no true "fairytale" to tell. When i write, it's usually about me, and I have yet to truly experience love and romance, and that's what I want to write about. Love is the essence of my soul, i have a pure and special love to offer the world and it is the only thing i wish to express! But such things is new to me. That is a territory, I have no experience. I didn't think it would happen to me in this lifetime. I was pretty much giving up on it and settling for what I always knew.

I was shown a year ago that around this time, things would change, my life would not be the same it ever was. I was drowing under the responsability and attachment to Brandon, and couldn't see a very "bright" future with him, no matter how optimistic i tried to be about it. In the "reality" and "facts" of the situation, what my cards told me, would have been a miracle in my eyes. Especially because i was being so stubborn and refusing to give up on Brandon. But as time went on, and when I was finally brought to breaking point with him and placed at a crossroads where I needed to make a choice. I finally chose what would be best for ME. For my highest well being (and of my children) and his also. since I let him go, EVERYTHING that was predicted for me, started to happen. Not just predictions from my own readings, but another woman I met through my work who did an astrology reading for me. She told me I would be spending time with ENTIRLY different people by July 15th. It was practically on that day, that I broke up with Brandon. You can even ask Heather what he put me through. I called her to support me through his manipulation and emotional abuse as i attempted to finally cutt it off. I lost 5 friends, because of what happened between us and the war zone he created. Thinking about it is still very painful to me. I am so sick of that same old love. that shit it tears me up. so sick of it, my body's had enough. Felt like i was blown apart. im so sick of that same old love, the kind that breaks your heart.

Now things are totally different. I AM hanging out with an entirely different crowd of people. and everything I have ever wanted, and needed, has been given to me. Never in my life have i felt so blessed by God. Never before did i ever feel that i deserved it. Now that I no longer have a death wish, and i feel as reborn as a pheonix; I am manifesting what i deserve. I was told i would find love, my abilities and gifts would grow, and i would finally tap into the abundance that IS available to me. I am so rich, at least i feel that way! I have been inspired again. Ignited, and i cant turn my creativity off. Not that i want to ... just wish i could briefly to FOCUS and get some important 3D responsabilites delt with. I haven't felt such strong passion in my life. I am a hopeless romantic, i experience the world with my heart.

All my dreams are coming true and so far the only dream that isn't fully manifested at this point... is knowing the man I love more than anything in this world, is attached to a woman who is not compatible with him and is clearly creating a dysfunctional and toxic relationship. I dont even have to ask for her full name and birthday and time of birth, to do a numerology compatability chart, or astrology chart, to know this. Doing one would only further validate my intuition on it. Believe me, I have done ours, and the picture painted looks pretty amazing. But here's the thing, I will allow you to live your life and make your own choices. I simply want you to find happiness freedom, joy, peace and to feel love. I am not here to judge you, or tell you how to live your life; i am here to love you, to support you. I say all this out of genuine care, and concern. Sometimes we don't want to listen to our friends and our family, but you have to realize, they usually have your best intentions in mind. I am here to nurture you in any way that you may need, with absolutely NO EXPECTATIONS or strings attached. whatever you shall choose, I just want you to see what I'm seeing. Lucas, i love you so much. Since the moment i met you I could feel every chakra ignite in a passionate response. The moment I met you, I was in love. I've thought of you ever since, but never thought i'd have a chance in hell to be with you. Didn't think you'd ever want me, or be even slightly interested in someone like me. because I'm so very different and weird. I didn't understand it then, why i felt such a connection, but I do now. I did not know 3 years ago, what I know now, otherwise I would have "fought" for you sooner. But all happens in divine timing and deep down i know We are meant to be together... i am convinced we are, no matter how long it takes you to realize it also. I get butterflies just driving to your house no matter how many times i do it. NO ONE has ever made me feel this way and I've been praying for a long time for someone to come into my life who will make me feel the type of love only movies hint at. Someone that any love song that i hear, makes me think of them. I didn't even feel this way with my ex husband, and I loved that man very much. But it wasnt an "unconditional" love with him. It was very conditional. as was every relationship i've experienced before. This, what im feeling now... i can't even find words to describe it. Its euphoric. You arent even "mine" and i havent been so happy in my life. The only thing that sucks is i havent been able to express it, and truly communicate to you how i feel. I would do it everyday if i could, but the boundaries of our relationship right now hasn't allowed it and i dont want to "scare" you away, i don't want you to go into "running" status.

I want the best for you Lucas. That's all. your happiness matters to me more than anything at this point. You can't hurt me. I feel all your hurting and that's what hurts me. I wish i could be the one to bring joy into your life. Help you see your worth, find who you really are and have an amazing drama free life. The other day when we where out to dinner with your parents, you had me in your arms and where explaining how your visit with Skye went. you told me... if you and skye had kids you'd end up being a single father and she would have very little involvement with the child. Why should you have to wait BECAUSE OF HER POOR CHOICES, to start your own life!? I'm more than ready to commit myself to the right person, to start building long term goals and you have no clue how badly I want more kids and to have more children with a man who isn't going to use and abandon me or abuse the kids. i can sense you want kids soon, you are ready to start a family,start your life and you cant because the woman you are blinded by, IS IN JAIL for 4 more years. And even if she gets out early on probation, that is going to be complicated. She is lying to you if she says she wants kids because shes TERRIBLE with kids... It SCARES me thinking about her procreating. You will be 34 by the time shes out of jail and she will be 27. She will be a 27 year old with NO experience, no way to get a job, felonies on her record (which limits a LOT of things even for you) completely dependent on you FOR EVERYTHING. (Why do you think she hooked her nails in you from day one? She has an easy ride with you and all is handed to her on a silver platter without her doing shit to earn it). if you think paying her cell phone bill is going to be an issue... try being the sole supporter, paying ALL the bills, living in your parents house forever and on top of that being a single father with a dead beat wife that even your own family can't stand! Your parents constantly hint that you are making a TERRIBLE choice to be with Skye. They want to be supportive of you and let you make your own adult choices, but you are literally driving yourself into a ditch. Everytime I'm around they say something or hint "you're a perfect match"... even like i said your mom mentioning, why the hell would you wanna marry a woman you would use such a ringtone for!?... WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO YOURSELF LUCAS!!!???? WHY???? do you really have that LITTLE of self worth??? Are you really that damaged from the scars of Nichole that you can't see what you are doing to yourself now? Look yourself in the mirror and be honest with yourself! You where so vulnerable when you met Skye, after what Nichole did to you. Just like i was after Ben fucked me over, he destroyed me... Lucas for 3 years i was in pain and agony and suffering. In 2012... i damn near committed suicide when Ben manipulated and lied and took my kids, and the only thing that kept me from doing so was the thought of my children being left to be raised by him and his family. It's only in the last 2 months that I've been able to fully forgive that son of a bitch and Amanda. And the only thing i can explain my ability to do so, is you coming into my life. I found a love that makes me completely FORGET about them and actually THANK Amanda for coming between us and ripping us apart. Because I would have never been able to be with you, the one i am meant to be with

sometimes you have to be willing to take risks if you want your life to change. No matter how much it hurts, no matter how hard it is to do. I told you, i'm here and I'm going to change your life... when I say i know tools and ways to help relieve your pain and suffering, I AM NOT JOKING AROUND. I've spent 4 years battling what you are equally going through in life. Picking myself up after being shoved to the ground and beaten until there was almost no will left to go on. If that is truly what you want. Like i said, go ahead and stay with Skye, I'm not going anywhere and I'm not giving up on you regardless. Unless of course you "ghost" me and dont want me in your life, i will not force myself into it. But if i am a big involvement in your life When she's out of jail, she is going to HATE me. She's going to hate that you're still friends with heather and will always try and force you to break up that friendship. FUCK SKYE FOR EVEN ATTEMPTING IT. Now I'm here and me and heather together are NOT a FORCE TO BE RECKONED WITH. I WILL NOT sit by and watch her treat you like shit. To use you, and sit on her ass while you bust yours. I've been through it, and I can't bear to watch someone do it to ANYONE i care about. I HAVE NEVER liked skye. And she's always pretended to like me and hated me for the simple fact that i was heathers best friend FIRST. Which is a pathetic and immature reason to hate someone, and very selfish. She may act all nice and cooperative to someones face, but behind their backs all she does is talk shit and cause drama.

Lucas, you need someone whos going to put in EQUAL the effort in a relationship, whos responsible, knows how to manage money like you do, someone you can trust will pull their weight if they are a parent and choose to bring children into this world, someone whos capable of taking care of you if youre injured?  Do you think Skye would give anything of herself up for you!? Think she'll learn about health and physical therapy and massage to help better her own life and also help you when you are in pain? lets test it, when she gets out of jail; and see what happens. I guarantee, i will never be allowed to give you another massage, EVER. She won't care how much pain you're in, another woman touching you will not be allowed. Even if that means you suffering in pain. All the benefits of being with me... will be GONE. Even if she never finds out or knows whats going on between us now, she will be jealous of me (all women are... ive seen it before, even when they have no reason to be... they envy me. fuck she already does hate me) and will try and force you to give me up just like she is trying to do with Heather now just because heather sent her a letter and said exactly what needed to be said and what she deserved to receive. You will ALWAYS be battling her to try and keep relationships you should have absolutely NO REASON to have to forfeit. Why would you want to marry someone whos always going to put up resistance towards everything you want, care about or strive for or need in your life?!

I've been with plenty of "her kind"... I've learned my lesson with her type... and I'll say it again, I don't want to see you suffer through the same bull shit. You're already suffering Lucas, and you refuse to admit it. No one else has the GUTS to say it to you like i am right now. We all love you, why do you not love yourself enough to know that it is time to let Skye go? She does not make the flowers in your garden bloom. She does nothing to help water that which you do all the labor to plant and bring to fruition. In fact she does the opposite. On her watch, she's allowed you wilt, dry up and start to wither away. If you marry her she will surly bring you to death just like Nichole did, and believe me, it's not easy to recover from twice. I've done it, but it's take a LOT of will power and determination and self love to survive it.

Are you so scared of being hurt again, or alone, that you are settling for this woman? You should have no guilt if you choose to leave her and she has NO GROUNDS to be angry about it, though she will be if you choose to do it. What are you so afraid of? I know you don't love her... you don't, not the type of love that you want to commit your entire life to anyhow. i don't hear it in your tone of voice. You don't even tell her you love her first, or that you miss her on the phone. She says it first and you respond in a not so convincing tone. You knew her a total of 2 months Lucas... and you gave yourself NO TIME to heal after Nichole before jumping into a relationship with Skye. you didnt even tell Heather you where dating until you where together for 3 weeks, and we both know that's because you didn't want to hear that you needed to wait... to heal and she would have reamed your ass like any REAL friend would do. We are so much alike it isn't even funny damn it. I did the same fucking thing after my marriage, in all reality i shouldn't have even attempted to date or be with ANYONE the past 4 years, only NOW am I truly "whole" enough and confident enough in my own life, and have found who i really am, to be ready for a REAL relationship. I could have saved myself from so much suffering, but hey at this point... i feel like there has to be a reason i went through all that. Maybe its to have the experience to know better now, that I can make you see what you are doing to yourself. And help others who are in similar situations to also see what they are consciously choosing. I only wound up hurt even MORE from the guys who just did the same fucking thing as Ben, or worse. All i wanted was to be supported, cherished. loved, respected... never have i felt this with someone, EVER. People who just brought more dysfunction and heartache to my life. It is apparent that your relationship with Skye... is NOT a functional one. Neither was mine with Brandon; It was not easy for me to RIP myself out of the relationship I had with Brandon. It took EVERY AMOUNT OF COURAGE AND RESPECT I HAD FOR MYSELF to do it. To tell him... im fucking done. Things were NOT changing, and i kept thinking to myself "why the fuck am i in a relationship with someone who wants me to isolate myself from all my friends, from what brings me joy. For someone i have NOTHING in common with. For someone who is selfish and just wants ownership over me, and who im trying too hard to motivate and to help them change but who is not willing to do the work for themselves, always making excuses and who is trying to change me into a piece of shit like them or feel guilty for who i am because I'm successful and they are not!?" I was the one in trouble for pointing out how childish they are, and immature. They would get mad at the reflection of themselves in the mirror that they hated being forced to look at. they may think they are an adult... doesn't mean they are. you can't force anyone to change and if they don't have or want to have the same goals as you, the same values, the same heart, the same motivation, to be EQUALLY YOKED, I always felt, that is not something worth sacrifice your whole life and heart and energy for. Being faced with resistance every step of the way when all you desire is their highest good and that of your own as well.

If Skye truly loved you, she would not have asked you to promise yourself to her within two months of KNOWING shes going to jail with NO ONE in her life there to support her because of how much she has fucked up. If she truly loved you she would let you go if that's what you needed to be happy. Thats the difference between unconditional love and just ownership and attachment to someone. But Skye is selfish, she doesn't see anyone but herself and how others can benefit her. I want to know What better and more efficient things you could be doing with your time rather than waiting around for HER to call you within her limitations, or having to visit her at specific days and times? Let alone waiting to do anything with your life until shes out of jail. You revolve your life around to support her, just like you did Nichole; while you are left drained and she is not supporting you in any way in return and totally taking you for granted. Lucas, you dont' deserve that. I see your worth, PLEASE look in the mirror and see it also. You have incredible leadership skills. There are MANY who would benefit from our vision and ability to focus and get jobs done effectively and efficiently. It is time to really focus on the issues that matter, and dismiss those that are just distractions. I am talented, I am gifted with the Midas touch, i will turn whatever you give me into gold. I am here to help you regain your integrity, you can either keep resisting or open up and graciously accept the assistance that is being offered to you now to move forward.

I am not quite sure how to wrap this letter up, so I will leave you with this:

i offer you peace, love, and friendship. I hear your needs, I feel your feelings and pain. My wisdom flows from the highest source. I salute that source in you also. Let us work together for unity and love.

I love you 
Always and forever,
Kymberly Kay Kula (Trinity)