So i am going to give an update about my area of home/career and financing since it's just a great transit to do so. then I also want to share a recent syncronistic experience I had. Yesterday I was driving to my new job (been there 2 months as of the 20th) at a spa in Boulder and just had the most bizarre psychic experience. It was an experience that rolled out for about a week, until the climax that I will lead to by the end of this blog.
Starting in May I will be going full time with this Boulder Spa (3 days 8:30-7pm) right now I'm just there part time but I want the stability and I'm making enough between multi jobs that I will loose my Medicaid for medical and such which I still need. That and this job pays a guaranteed $30 per hour whether I have a client or not. I gain sick pay. So far its just a 30-40 minute drive but I get paid for every minute im clocked in, which is a grand improvement from what was happening at the chiropractor I quit in February and what drew me to put my resume online and Rob from (I am not mention the spa name on purpose) the Spa who reached out to me on Indeed. I sort of wait for the first come first serve invitations as a generator, and scope out the potential of an opportunity during an interview and asses in the moment if it feels correct. The chiropractor didn't feel 100% but i didn't care...i wanted out of Subway before 2024.
I initiated a couple ideal placements myself prior to here, another chiropractor, but there's a lof of drama from the one I was at to the one there due to a specific chiropractor i met a split second and he treated my mom at the one i had just left, but they picked a different candidate. which gave me a huge sign that I just needed to move on from chiropractor establishments...left and right I feel screwed by them, i am bitter from that. I was honest with that one at the interviewing, mentioning that I have yet to find one that I feel appreciated and valued at. I felt 'off' the entire interview and it started out in a synchronistic manner that I wound up interviewing for them, but they didn't do any sort of hands on practical which is what usually lands me my jobs, they just did verbal one and that threw me way off. Like why you going to interview and not get a taste of the actual professional work i do that can't be experienced through a resume? at this point, it was for incorrect reasons that i was entering it so it naturally fell away as an option. I want to share what I emailed them however (because I was invited to email with questions or whatever and so I did write them something, and maybe it was just "too much", I can tend to do that... but its whatever... it really fills in the past few job's I've been in
Dear Interviewer,
I just wanted to elaborate on some things we spoke of in the interview. In regards to what *blank* and
the Doctor were asking and that being what my favorite previous work position was and why i liked it.
if its not a medical based or chiropractic setting i often enjoy holistic centers that focus on similar therapeutic touch as a chiropractor, but i also blend energetic modalities like reiki and such. I spoke about my time at Thrive being one of my top if i had to pick and narrow it down. To be honest Thrive kind of traumatized me from mentioning this other half of my talents and skills.
Let me explain; I hesitated to mention this to you because including it on my resume or talking about it when i was interviewing with Thrive in 2019 it almost made them skip over me completely. So its a risk although i can diversify and be medically professional vs 'energetic' etc. they had a lot of conservative clients that did not respond well to a LMT who was trying to practice it there prior to me and they didnt want to run into the same issue with anyone else at all. my hands on massage part of the interview is what won the now retired HR lady in CO springs over (what i can do with necks blew her away) and at first i was rejected but two months later they couldnt keep or struggled to find a therapist and called me because she demanded they give me a chance. Lucky i was still available. Even if you read the reviews from other employees online they were not a very good place to work so ultimately i end up leaving because i need more than 2 massages a month from one valued client while they funneled all clientele to another therapist and they where only paying me $27 an hour. They didnt communicate and wouldnt 'fire' me, i had to quit and couldnt collect unemployment while i sought a new job hence my brief time at subway and hiatus as a LMT 2021-23 after such an experience. It honestly almost drove me to retirement in this field but rejecting it for two years when its been my passion and primary talent to be of service that brings me fulfillment wasnt in my highest benefit and was causing a domino effect of depression
Honestly I want to be able to commit myself to a healthy work environment thats just will communicate and be honest and up front with me and work with me so i can still succeed during dry slow spells that can occur in this profession. With Thrive i do not feel like they professionally handled me as an employee what so ever. Neither did governors park chiropractic recently. I was holding back tears that where naturally occurring beyond my control just trying to answer the question professionally because i have such a drive to succeed and be of service and so far everywhere ive gained experience I didn't feel supported or appreciated and i have more dignity then to remain in such work conditions and its embarrassing to me that nothing has worked in my favor and im tired of it being 'my story'. But i am not giving up
Like i said i love chiropractic settings but I have not found employers who respect and value their therapists YET and i commit about 7 months and if theres no synergy or consistency or enough monetary benefit im forced to move on regardless of the connections i have with any clientele i may have bonded with or staff
And like i said i love brainstorming new creative business ideas or innovative marketing that could benefit everyone as a whole. I wish to grow with a team and expansion
outside of chiropractor centers i do highly enjoy those holistic energetic atmospheres also and eastern medicine focus modalities have always been part of my own self care routines and i always promote them to others. The Mind and body center also offered acupuncture reiki and different yoga and metaphysical classes. Thats where i learned reiki myself. As for the Spa modalities atmosphere overall I enjoyed most of my time working at the Turkish bathhouse and was there for about 3 years and got to utilize their facility and provide medical, overall therapeutic, and energetic modalities depending on the unique requests of clients while i was there. I otherwise have always focused on my private practice offering mobile massage since i graduated in 2009 and often find myself giving sports massage. This all flew through my head and i felt like i gave a somewhat incomplete and broken response so i wanted to clarify in this message
What sets me apart from other therapists is like i said im authentic and empathic and have a strong intuitive nature and many have called my hands magical, or a gift from god, and they are just designed for healing- i dont always know what im doing or can name the technique but i go with the flow and rhythm of my elbows and hands and feel deep into the bodys needs and root issues. all i know is and can confidently state that my blend of techniques delivers lasting results and i have recent geriatric patients Ive been working with in my mobile work who i see twice a week that inspires me to continue doing what i do because what im doing for them is helping them walk again while they have been loosing the feeling in their legs and feet at a rapid rate. Everything i work on her from low back to her legs she ends up reporting the pain goes away and she looks forward to her sessions with me! I got sick for 3 weeks (JUST recovered to start clients last week) and she didnt want a replacement therapist in the meantime and unfortunately holding out was a damper on our progress however it also shows just how important what i do is, and how my clientele is loyal for a purpose. i cant explain it because what i deliver is unique! However i cant emphasize enough how imperative it is to get and promote routine care, and have a goal and focus of intention if they want to experience change not just have me as a bandaid. Which im fine with but i want to achieve ‘trinity alignment’ aka wholeness of the body mind and soul
i have strong communication skills but sometimes they are stronger when written as its hard for me to acknowledge but i do stutter or slur words and deal with dyslexia time to time so theres some difficulties with verbal talk. And i can loose my train of thought easily,. Regardless of that As far as clients are concerned their comfort and satisfaction is my top priorities and communication is key before during and post a treatment to being able to deliver them what they need which now i have my own questions stimulating
What sort of massage do you want me to deliver? Often i like to focus on specific areas of concern and tackle trigger points so theres not always time for 'full body' when working on some chronic conditions. I can acquiesce and deliver a Swedish/deep tissue mixture of a full body as long as on their intake or during their session briefing i need them to clarify exactly what they want to be focused. Not just problem area of focus. That means if they expect arms,legs (anterior/posterior specific) and neck or pecks etc so i can better manage my time with them and they leave floating on a cloud. Ill make sure to ask thorough Questions on my end but im not perfect- having it in a client intake form for me and them to clarify would also be helpful along with pressure preferences and background of injury and medical background if any. I am a skilled therapist and i have a lot of confidence in what i can deliver so long as clients and staff communicate needs and goals clearly and in detail. I am all about the details so i can perform or adjust (this was a word that escapes my mind while we where in the conference) accordingly. But i need to equally hear positive upliftment and feedback alongside any negative. If im not someones cup of tea i would like the opportunity to resolve it or offer another session at a discount price to take a different approach if they are open to allowing me the opportunity of correction. I really am adaptable and flexible and a team player as long as theres mutual respect across the board from other individuals.
I did have one question come to mind that being - am i compensated for clients who do not call to cancel within a 24 hour period and i am present in the office and or could have filled that spot with my own mobile but less than 24 hr notice also means i loose out on that hourly commission wage. Just want to know how you manage this or what the policy is in your office as i just appreciate being compensated for time I prioritize for the clients and the office. Do i supply my own lotion or oil, sheets and other table dressings or do you?
I am also wondering when and how often there are paychecks and if i can have a direct deposit. Is this an independent contractor position or is it employment where taxes are negated? Also do i get chiropractic care, or any facility benefits and opportunity to trade or receive a massage from the other therapist? And if i refer my own clients will i get paid a higher wage for referring them to the office for therapeutic care? Since i am primarily mobile in my own part time private practice i would like the opportunity to promote myself at that location and bring in any potential clientele that likes the idea of chiropractic in conjunction with a medical massage and do not have interest in mobile. If this is open for negotiation id love to talk about it.
Again available monday and fridays flexible depending on client request and demand of mourning start time to 6pm and having a standard lunch hour around 1 or so. That would be great for me and i could even do a mourning to 4pm on Wednesdays if not one of those other days. Also open to being on call during that day but will only accept a request if i haven't already filled the time-slot with a mobile appointment. I also operate my business and time/calendar for booking on my website- i can make a private portal for those who schedule in your office to easily access to see my live availability and reserve that time on those ‘on call’ status days to still service any potential same day interests. It’s basically going to be a first come first serve after 24 hrs. However on my website The times listed will be what im not booked and if theres an accidental double booking where im blocking my calendar at the same timeframe youre requesting (as it can take the system a moment to update) i will inform you immediately not to confirm with the client. They will be scheduling a tentative time until approval. Please give me at least 5 -15 minutes to Verify and confirm the appointment request. My goal is to prioritize your clientele base on those days to the best of my ability. Sorry this became so wordy, i was able to ground my thoughts after i got home and could answer those questions more thoroughly
Even if you do not choose me as a candidate i am appreciative of the opportunity to interview and become acquainted to your practice! Im sure Tristan will be seeing my mother Laura again soon! Thank you for your time and patience in reading this. I anticipate hearing back soon with your decision.
I was able to polish up my language for the next one I had with the Holistic place I'm at part-time (2 days) alongside the Spa now. I make $38 per hour plus tips. It's close to home and its community I needed so its PERFECT timing for me.
I've been getting by doing Mobile through Soothe and another independent Mobile company that sends me to geriatric patients at senior living centers and other random clients I have obtained (brings $200-900 a week depending on circumstances week to week and even more so with H&S).
I was picking up a lot of shifts through Soothe having a partnership with hands and stone in Westminster. i was enjoying this for a moment, until i came down with RSV, followed THEIR protocol to not come to work when ill... and soon after that (even with doctor notes) they relieved me as a therapist, for altering too many shifts supposedly. I had prioritized them on slow days at the Chiropractic office and that created conflicts in scheduling often that i pissed the Chiropractors off, I demanded 24 hours notice to do what I wish with my days, so I was just overall irritated that after 3 weeks (almost 4 i forced myself back at 3) being sick because THEIR ESTABLISHMENT had sick clients that got me sick too... i was basically fired and had no chance to "prove myself" that i "could adjust and get used to the turn over they needed to move clients through" when i was literally used to 15 minute intervals the past few years! I don't do spa's for a reason... so that was just i think a prequel to get me adjusted to where i am now, which isn't 60/90 minutes they are 50/80... which the 10 minutes there is turnover. Everywhere else im giving the FULL time. so fuck me right? whatever... i hated hand and stone from 2013, and it felt like i was in a twilight zone even operating out of one again. But hey... the money i made from them got me through the 3 weeks i was sick... i got to rest and reset for my next adventure.
I am being guided to feel into my body for boundaries in regard to any of these job placements to further my career path in this now present (as I sift through the resent past careers).
In this blog I go into sharing a personal S&A Trinity Alignment reading that would elaborate each job, the energy around them all, to help me navigate the next direction to take since I am so stressed the hell out. You can read that here (adding when completed)
I feel lit up working at the Holistic place..although slow to start, its my people. the owner was Mastered as a Reiki Teacher by Reece... we share the same teacher. She was the one who noticed this first. When I went insane in 2021 I projected out onto Reece some stupid crap I wish I never did at this point... i wasn't in my 'right mind' so to speak. Psychosis and Confusion are a biofeedback loop you DO NOT want to go through when you have already awakened to your true self and been illuminated with light codes for 8 years. She's one on my list of apologies I plan to extend and see where the door swings. Either way, I am bringing back to my "tribe" or "community" that I so desperately needed to thrive and heal. The day's there have been 'slow' so I have been maintaining most of my stability off the Mobiles and Spa. But My body keeps getting sick and getting back into mobile wasn't my ideal direction. I love the money it brings in, but my body is screaming at me. So i made a decision already that feels right to inform them of certain times and days they have of me, but that i will be backing off and just maintaining the clients i have until i just can't anymore. I have a few who have already died, one in rehab, and another or two who are not elderly who i see and work on in my free time... but I literally have no down time...and wont when i go full time at the Spa in May which is why i cannot go to the Unite The Light that Sirus Joy is hosting in Texus. Im so bummed.
so im driving to work today and this has been overwhelming me... as this song comes on (music in the background)...
That's literally what happened today driving to work. In that moment i was questioning the whole "why does this keep happening so spontaneously, is it a hormonal imbalance!?" and spirit just responded "what do you expect holding in all those emotions for 3 years?! also.... not practicing self love"... i start to tear up and feel remorse for abandoning myself and i look over to a car next to me with a license plate that said "BKIND"... i balled more... because i have been less than kind to myself ABOVE everyone, and also a bit more aggressive towards others since 2021. I was guided to start tapping my root and heart in intervals with beats of the songs on and infusing it with the pink and aquamarine light of high heart love. And in remorse of all the aggression i projected in interference and transference as i was blooming within, I breathed it out and forgave myself.
I have Been wanting to melt all that because it's not who i truly am or want to be... and it was creating disease in my body. I'm tired and sick of getting sick. I didn't start getting repetitively sick until 2018. i got anxious driving to work and asked spirit what was going on and my body kept wanting to cry after this message... so i was allowing it to do so and not holding it back. The music playing had me in the music of the spheres with the Divine and they where healing me through it and helping me make proper decisions. was guided to do some tapping which i haven't in a long time. Also getting visions of a book and card deck I have at my dads that i need to bring home, I got it before i went off the rails.
This tapping technique was reminded to me to start doing after a session i had giving massage on 4/20. Before arriving to work to meet this woman we where being dumped on weather wise and the roads where pretty clear aside from warning of ice i never treaded upon, and snowflakes that weren't sticking to anything, but as i approached Boulder going west on 36th I saw a MASSIVE fog cloud...(my main fear working out there is when there are bad storms- i will miss work because of my PTSD of driving in it). I know the moment i entered it (like in 2019)... and the deeper in the more dense the fog became... until i went around the bend and it completely cleared up by the time i hit where 36th turns into 28th and you get into town.
I've been debating if boulder is "out of my boundaries" and given the amount of traffic i deal with just to do a few of the mobile clients going to denver, Westminster or Littleton. i will have... 3 days driving to boulder, staying the whole day and driving home to be home by 7:45 the latest... isn't THAT bad, especially when i take the HOV lane...i pay for it because it saves me my sanity, i abhore traffic and just like flowing at my own pace and i can in that lane (5-15 channel of rhythm). I will be making more than enough to cover bills and anything we need. No, its not a minute down the street, but I already gained intel from another gal i work with at the Holistic place (near Casa Bonita in Lakewood just 10 minutes from me) that the Spa in Denver is affiliated to the one I'm at in Boulder, is "crap". Always hears good thing about Boulder but said AVOID the rest. She worked there in Golden 2 years ago, and ended up hating it because she had to deal with the shift in management (like i did at Subway) and it was just not in alignment for her anymore because they were so disorganized. The man who hired me (Rob) did mention a lot of disorganization but he came in and the Boulder location is the BEST one to be at, what they do for us isn't anything like what she was saying she had to be put through. They didn't have benefits and it was commission then. I would have probably hated it too, but right now this feels like Divine Intervention and placement and i need to trust it.
The thing is I had gotten a Spa Provider invitation from Soothe during this period of waiting and investigation... and the offer was $45 per hour location Denver or Littleton and i turned to my beloved Malachi and told him "i am going to LOL if this is the spa im already working for. If it is i wonder if i should just do this or if it would be a conflict of interest (don't really WANT to do it I have no free time as is)... make $15 more not be tied down to any company... or just ignore it entirely, back off from mobile and pick up more time at the one im at and in turn get benefits and still guaranteed pay vs $15 extra an hour and having to pay taxes! He was laughing at the idea or possibility alongside me... and not long after i tell them im interested, i get the email revealing to me the who what and where... i legitimately LOL when we where in line to enter Casa Bonita and showed him and he was also "SHOCKED". The gate of shock isn't that SHOCKING when you literally get premonitions or intuitional niggles for everything, and make it a game whether you're "on the spot" or not.
I am already decided on what I'm going to do, but I will probably still talk to my boss Rob because it could really be a conflict of interest. So his guidance would likely help validate my already grounded decision. But I won't be changing my schedule until May 6th, gives time to get out of Mercury Retrograde and it's shadow effects. But I already told the Lakewood location that i would start then coming in on Mondays vs Tuesdays and my entire Tuesdays will be at the Spa alongside my Saturday and Sundays. My mobile fluctuates between Monday and Wednesday Mornings and Fridays. Wednesdays are set to be my self care day, which getting my weekly massage has been a hit or miss due to everyone getting sick and other stuff going on so my body is really cranky.
But now that i work somewhere that gives reiki, i can start back in with energy-clearing sessions and practice it myself amung a supportive community that encourages me. I already got guidance that the fog would be dissipating and even more so once Kate works on me with a free session i was promised and need to set up. It just didn't align last week, so i have to try again this one. I really don't care how busy it is or isn't, im busy as it is that i can relax and or use those days (since im still close to home) to do what i need or fit in and prioritize what i need for myself and family. and when it does get busier i will likely shift off the mobile and focus that and take more vacations. by then ill have the MONEY to do so. My cars are more dependable now too... so that's good. Kate gives me so much encouragement and support and i haven't even known her more than two months.
I sat around deligating waiting for a response from the new potential Chiropractor, just to be denied... i kinda already had a sense i would and i felt if i waited any longer id loose my opportunity with her so before i even heard back i told kate the dates and times she had... and even though she already hired others, she still took me on. She's already had me serviced with a massage and paid for me to get acupuncture...i would have paid for it when my neck locked up last month, and the massage wasn't enough, but she didn't make me. She is struggling to keep the business afloat and she still, did this and i feel so blessed that i want to help even more. I want her place to SUCCEED and continue on. I had to watch Reece's fall apart with the incorrect partnerships and i don't want to see that happen with Kate just because times are hard.
I really feel great potential to grow and offer a place for my clients to come receive from me other forms of therapy. Its a spa of its own also, either way im in the "spa" environment which i think my libra/virgo secretly LOVES because i get to get spoiled and who needs chiropractic... omg MASSAGE IS SO MUCH MORE BENEFICIAL... and theres so many clients i had on my table who said "to hell with their adjustments i just want to spend my money on you!"... boy did that piss them off... but yeah... tell me again how unprofessional and toxic I AM and i fucked up here.. or there...no positive reinforcement. I told the mother fuckers my value and they had no response... just gaslighting, ignorance and strait up narcissism (would look through me, pretend i wasn't even there, wouldn't say hello, would text demands of things when needed or required)
The chiropractic environment DID NOT encourage me AT ALL... just made me feel competitive or burned out. It was a repetitive cycle and not a lesson i wanted to keep repeating... or brick wall i keep banging my head on when trying to achieve community, culture and abundance through relationships and my career path. I was shown to bury my 'needs' for them... (working for the benefit of free adjustments), and that somehow if i took the leap of faith all would work in my favor and i would not have to sacrifice myself for that anymore. Where I am going i will be able to afford or have insurance that provides... these services. so.. here I am... in greener pastures to come. Just in a period of pause.
I arrive to the Spa and grab my client. on 4/20 I met a sweet Therapist (born 9/28 is a Libra Sun, moon and Rising) who allowed me to melt into her during her massage session; about my re-awakening and coming out of my fog and confusion. I shared things i had shared in my blog and could finally verbalize. Asking about Reiki and Chakras and i told her i know tools to deal with inner traumas and manage pain from outer auric layers that show up in the physical. The physical is the last resort. Just a lot of abstract things came flowing through and i feel like a horrible teacher because i cant really all the knowing verbatim as it is in my brain. Somehow talking about her struggling client i told her "tapping might help him" and she said "that is a tool i gave him". I had mentioned to her Human Design and she knows someone whos obsessed with it and continues to guide her to use it in her therapy... i told her i too love it and was alone dealing with this stuff no one to talk to really and it was a relief to be able to open up with someone during this transit because, i haven't felt safe to do that... like ever. for some reason i did, she began asking me the correct questions so i could respond with my S&A so things flowed naturally. i was heating up and sweating my armpits out (a sign of clearing for me) and eventually crying and apologizing for talking so much and i knew i could have done a much better massage not conversing, but she was initiating most of it. By the end she helped ground me and gave me a nice tool to come back to the moment with, and i gave her my number and await her text it it shall ever come. if not, really moments like that are miraculous and all i needed.
i didn't vibe with my therapist that i had when i got out of the hospital so that ended fast. I didn't have a connection like that or willingness to share. I didn't want to go back to that horrid place that kept me hostage. i ended our therapy knowing i really needed someone to talk to, but i wouldn't find that through Medicaid. thinking even then i was not going to qualify for Medicaid any longer because my kids didn't live with me. I went without for a while, I made too much with subway i guess, but i was utilizing it until it was going to run out, and by then my eldest moved back in with me so i maintained health coverage with them until now. But now I'm making too much if i even reapply ill get denied, i just know it. even with my eldest under as a dependanti make too much so i have to figure something out. The Spa when i go full time will pay for the benefits up to 70% which is unheard of anywhere... So i feel this is just a blessing while i get myself re-established again.
I get paid $30 same as i was at the Chiropractor, but its GUARANTEED pay, PLUS TIPS, which i was being bitched at the Chiro office for requesting and or having to bring up when i had to check clients out myself as a duo un paid receptionist. so BONUS- no more hustling mobile because of no call no shows, or slow periods like i had a LOT at the chiropractor and is why i became indifferent- i wasn't being paid for my time valued and never given positive feedback or any communication at all for that matter. I emailed, they only screamed at me authoritatively in texts. I didn't get paid unless i did my own payroll. Began as an employee, ended as an independent contractor. shit talked behind my back about being some "problem child" and "not as good as so and so" when i was hired originally to take a load off of that "so and so" individual in Denver location while building presence but goal was to be primarily available in Wheatridge. and this woman gossiping about me LIES AND SLANDER, never once... had a therapeutic massage from me, so she has absolutely no place to make those assessments because a FEW of their clients in the span of time i was there had various complaints. (mind them i was just returning from a 2 year retirement and almost indefinite retreat, i was rusty and their clients failed in the communication department). Things went real well, until they didn't... and in the end i shared with a total of 4 individual clients of mine on how i was being effected in that 7 months and what was going on...and tried to let them choose what they wanted for their care and gave them my contact... but i eventually was threatened by the owner after i quit and got my belongings. days after i was told if i didn't "stop spreading my libelous claims" they would need to forward it to their attorney to keep their reputation intact". Nothing i haven't heard before i my past and that shit don't scare me. I won't be fucking silenced... but this time im being careful, and might be actually looking into a real cause for suing, i just have to get the confidence to report them to the BBC and make my reviews as a disgruntled previous employee and if need be i have other testimonies of previous employers who where treated like shit, and my own mother... so... either way... whether i take the legal rout or not ill determine post retrograde haha. But the hypocrisy is what gets me...here the owner of the business's wife is spreading libelous claims sabotaging my success and likely silently firing me... hoping id quit. I was stubborn and it took them bringing in a 1 year old LMT and giving her one of my most lucrative and consistent days for me to just bow out in hysterical laughter knowing she was being set up for manipulation with a band full of narcissists and spinless YOUNG employees.
Well since leaving there... I haven't had a single complaint in any job placement I've obtained and i communicate THAT MUCH MORE, because of the critical feedback i received from their clientele. I KNOW I WAS NOT THE PROBLEM. I was just WATCHING OUT FOR MY OWN, because i knew they didn't care. I know somewhere someone was sabatoging me and i counteracted that frequency and protected myself. I can REFINE myself but i shouldn't have to do the exact same things another therapist does to "be great". I will NEVER do it someone else's way. If that infuriates someone... they are not the correct group i should be a part of. I won't be monopolized off of by them once i know we arent compatible on frequential levels. My energy was quickly rising again... and this time i need a place of true support to foundation on.
Then my Grandmother Died. January 17 2023 on my Mothers birthday. Since her death, her spirit has been sending me signs left and right... little turtles or birds and just nudges... like this license plate today... Turtle3. Just supporting me forward like she did when she was alive. Her love changed everyone she came in contact with and i miss her so so so much. it took me weeks to stop crying and im sure when i write about her i wont stop crying doing so. i already am.
I decided in 2023 I would be leaving Subway by end of that year, was looking for ANY invitation that came to leave...procrastinated on doing any resume revisions even though "spirit" pressured me to, i was too exhausted by the end of my shifts and so it was not happening. I was stuck in a loop staying there just for those i gained friendships with and not wanting to jump ship, but it got too stressful, and my body was in SO MUCH PAIN, worse then when i do massage and i was just FED UP. I finally was doing physical therapy and seeing doctors and other therapies to address my pain (drained my savings account), and started tracking what i was eating on a diet app and began working out because i gained 70lbs. I knew i was not in shape to carry my table and i had to prepare my body to get back into it. I was not happy in my body, i knew i was not in alignment with my true self higher destiny... and this was just a survival job to have some kind of income flow while i figured my shit out and i felt like a looser. I knew i had so much more i could be doing with my hands and the more angry i got the more... chaos ensued and signs showed that i needed to ready myself to depart. signs such as a rock being thrown through my rear passenger side window (about a week later the group who did this to my car..did to a 21 year old girl in old town where i grew up and she was killed. they are in jail now), and me being unable to use that car for 8 months until my friend Cat could fix it for me (she had a lot of karmic stuff happening that kept her from sooner so i waited because i couldn't afford to pay her brother to do it).
My mother and step dad literally gave me a Subaru they where debating selling anyways, and I've had two cars every since. Honestly saving us right now as Malachis has been breaking down since his dad bought it for him... and its in another state of needing fixed. His dad demanded him do a few chores he has not been able to address outside yet (due to weather and his own depression and melancholy gates) so having one i can leave and he can use is a life saver. I was supposed to inheret my grandmothers when she died, her dying wish was for me to have her car, but my grandfather refuses... so allas... i wait using hand me downs until that day arrives that he passes and it gets relinquished to me (he's so stubborn he cant even drive). I have to write a different blog to expand upon the amount of money and repairs i have put into my car... given its a "extension of my merkaba"... or ability to see my aura through the vehicle i drive of the various things that break or fall apart. I've had this weird little dynamic to see patterns in my pain cycles... in a different view... for quite some time. there's symbology in everything.
In the end of August I got invited to work with the chiropractor i mentioned. referred there through my mother who profusely apologized by October for ever doing so after her particular chiropractor in the business quit and she got pulled into the drama of the business owners who manipulated the receptionist to just probe people for information that wasn't their business (like if he was taking clients who where devout to him to his new line of work)...it pissed my mom off and she stopped coming in. she never vibed with the chiropractor who ran the place, there was no point to stay. i was just kind of stuck there and began watching for red flags as i knew it would crumble eventually i was just waiting for divine timing to jump ship. i never know when this is going to be but its spontaneous and i just KNOW when i KNOW.
October-Feburary i was ready for "anything" to happen to move on to the next step of my resurgence. all that mattered is it got me out of the fast food business and back into what is in more alignment with my Destiny). i remained with them for 7 months. That story will be elaborated later and much more in depth than this summary. But when i began there i noticed a lot of synchronicities and there was great potential besides the fact i felt i was back in a storage room again... a very small space to give massage, and i HATED it. I could not stretch anyone and their feet touched the wall. It was pathetic. I loved the hydraulic table... but the decorations they bought to "spruce up the room" where so BORING. since i was the only one at that wheatridge location since 2020, i just kind of behooved myself and did my own decorating. decked my room out in a peacock theme because that's just what kind of happened with the paintings i had and put up from when i worked at the bathhouse and just repurposed and had permission to use them, i accentuated the room lets say (64th gene key.... this happens a lot i love peacocks haha), but i was silent quitting since October and i was just done and regretting putting any money into anything to make it comfortable for me to tolerate (its all sitting in a box again haha). It was toxic, and i had enough evidence just to walk away, so i did. I was able to get by with doing mobile while i did interviews and established elsewhere, but i was just disgusted how manipulative and unprofessional they behaved in the end. I laid a boundary and since they were not willing to budge on it, i walked off the plank myself of their goddamn pirate ship. Been there.. Done that... i wasn't investing or sacrificing anymore of MYSELF.
I had seen premonitions of needing this change from reliance on Medicaid and find something that will provide me coverage since about 2019 when i was working for Thrive Health Systems Chiropractic. I "felt" the pandemic before it even occurred because a pandemic within myself was starting to occur. my body legitimately warned me of what was coming, but no way could I prepare myself for what was come of a health crisis I went through after i started getting alignment care from Thrive. As I have briefly mentioned I was hospitalized in 2021 after leaving that job for another one that was incorrectly entered (another wave of anger and drama that arose towards my mother and her "best friend" at the time was SPYING on me and gossiping with her about my behaviors etc, i wasn't having it. I was getting repetitive anxiety attacks that literally made me loose my job because i was in no space to work on anyone when they happened... i wont transfer that energy and i kept getting riled up right before work) but I have yet to write a blog centralizing upon any of this (my blogs dropped off in 2019 i didn't feel open to sharing). I will be soon, as the confusion and fog that was clouding clears up and my creative block dissipates. It's slowly starting to and for now It's coming through spontaneously so I am recording when I can or get the niggle to do so. like now.
So here i am balancing multiple jobs from a mobile company and another holistic place I work for in Lakewood (where i can focus on energy based modalities). My open heart is not designed really to be the breadwinner and so I do battle having to be the one to provide, but it could be way worse.
Right now I am being very motivated by the transits to reassess my time and career and balance it with enough time for home, personal needs and self care. Really just trusting and allowing Divine guidance to show me the way through synchronicity which is ever-increasing. Which apparently i had to write all that before i could get to what i wanted to share about today. I had a bunch of song's come through IHeart Radio 93.3 on my drive to work. The following ensued all while i was having the BKIND conversation with 'God'/Holy Spirit.
All those lyrics have so many messages and symbology, it helped me get through the drive even though that last one was sketchy and I only vibed with bits and pieces of it.
When i arrived This morning I had a woman named Vicki and it reminded me of my client in rehab. My last session with her i had a very invasive thought of "Just Die Already" and it came to a shock because, I genuinely love this woman and enjoy spending the time i have with her. I was doing reflexologySince my grandmother passed i hold a lot of remorse for not helping out more in her old age let alone being able to give her a single massage. So this has been a healing journey working on the elderly more. But since then she went into the hospital and is still in rehab (been weeks), so long i wonder if she will ever come out. My grandmother never even made it there, she went to Critical Care and passed quickly.
Vicki has a strong fighting spirit, and I don't know what that thought was or where it came from... but the fact that happened and i haven't seen her since concerns me. I was watching her health decline in front of me, and she just looked miserable. As time passed she was seeing doctors to sort out arising complications and symptoms or diseases and she went from healthy as ever (so she told me) and the past 3 years its just gotten to the point where she cant even walk and is mostly bed ridden and can't do much of anything she ever enjoyed. Its so hard to see anyone go through that. So i don't know if she's going to get better or if this is her passage into the next phase of her evolution in consciousness (death), but shes on my heart. My soul is one that helps aid in the transitions of death, life and rebirth so i know that's somewhat my involvement here until she does go. I just had ONE session with a new client a few weeks ago named Frank and i didn't know he was battling lung cancer (refused doctors or medical care) and i was to start seeing him on a weekly basis and he passed two days after that. Now i knew that theres a risk with death working with such old seniors, but the fact i come into the picture and they pass that quickly always SHOCKS me.
So i get done working on this Vicki woman who's on my table at the Spa. She's requested a Hot Stone session which is really funny because the Therapist woman on 4/20 had a stone massage also. It was maybe 24 hours before this that i just get this random thought "hmm i haven't had anyone request those in a while" and i guess i like using them or like being able to give people add ons there, gives me something to do i guess, i really don't know but i just had this intuitional flash about HOT STONES and just it had been a while before i gave one since i started there. Literally people started requesting hot stones after this... its just a synchronicity i wanted to point out... i don't know why the intuition gives me such lame glimpses... but perhaps i needed to have the salt stones in my hands to be able to even work the past two days because im doing them at the beginning of my shift when im arriving flustered with anxiety almost... and ya know that shit is grounding. so im able to disrupt that energy transference which was nice.
But im in between changing sheets preparing for my next client when i just get another invasive thought of the name Lia- and that name was claimed by a woman i knew as Amy Carlson from Love Has Won who played a huge role in my 2017-2021 psychotic meltdown. Her and her devotees anyway- drove me into madness. I was a bit irritated by THIS flash memory even coming up in my mind but it is also connected to the fog and confusion from what led me into hospitalization. Again...a blog to write another time as this one has already taken my entire night (and this is the main thing i wanted to talk about and begin to unpack, i have previous journal entries to compile that this entire synchronicity leads into). I didn't even know because i don't recall names on my schedule even if i read them, i forget two seconds before im grabbing them even as my short term memory has been struggling for years now. Anyways, i couldn't even pronounce the first name because this Mother-Daughter Duo had silent J's in their name because they came from some foreign Swedish town?! i can't even remember what she said, but it was such a unique spelling of... i have to just pause here because... its that just wow...
Lija Fisher I had at 3pm and I had another Lia at 5pm. I haven't ever had a Lia in my entire life. Not that I can remember particularly.
Lia is Fishing... like she's fishing to talk to me... but i always REFUSED to call her by that name, that was what her devotees called her and i call her AMY, which pissed them off. she DIED shortly 10 days after i was released from the hospital...theres a documentary about her on Netflix now.
so this is her DEAD SPIRIT attempting to commune and I've literally been IGNORING her...rebuked her access since i was In the hospital. This bitch, im telling you... she doesn't leave me alone. I help her on so many quantum levels to pass over... (with how her body looked I'm pretty sure she departed her vessel, likely while I was in the Hospital. well before April 16 2021) out of pure sympathy and i still don't get a break. It's going to take writing a book... and a ton of energetic healings to exorcise her out. There's nothing HOLY about her. Yet I related to her personality so much, we had a lot of commonalties that made be what would have been the perfect vessel to jump to and continue her agenda.
I've known she's still "there" because every damn license plate i see since 2021 is AMY AMY AMY AMY. Before that... i never saw that crap. It HAUNTS me. Now im pretty sure her little clan of minions she left behind would LOVE to encounter this... but... the spiritual warfare i went through with them all... i literally just want her to FUCK OFF, but i hear her continual contagious laughter when i tell her to. She somehow fused with me and i don't know what to do. She literally had everything i could have dreamed in a community... all my Pluto fixings... would have thrived with what she had... but she fucked it up... She was a THIEF of sorts and FALSE PROPHET. Her devotees will profusely claim the opposite. She stole creation stories that didn't belong to her, and IChing wisdom she didn't even know she was 'accessing'. She was not... Jesus.
I don't know what her spirit expects me to do with it... She led so many astray as she deified herself into a wanna be "Mother God" Fractal. I for years challenged her and spoke out against her agenda and took attacks from her followers. Someday I will do my own documentary... I did a weird video calling out Ryan Kramer (one of the followers) even though I was really elevating into lvls of psychosis at that point that I was delusional on many levels.. it was there.. that I expressed my concern for Amy. My aura was PURPLE. I have it set as a private video on youtube because, I just don't want to engage in that projection field anymore, and my Ghosts/Aliens in human design was extremely heightened.
Since her death, they have started using the Gene Keys and Human Design in their daily live videos, and the entire operation she built completely crumbled and they are now all separated. So i prophesied among others who only just hoped this would happen...i KNEW it would. They thought i was there to take her place, her torch... and ya know what... i don't even have to compete or try to do that because... there is no competition. I was born with a design for this level of light embodiment... i now grasp where the aggression comes from, but she too... was really self obsessed and psychotic. I just wanted to be a mirror to bring her back to something humble but her own followers wouldn't allow it. I wasn't here to compete... i was here just to be. I resonated with a lot of her Galactic Drive... but all the other cult like shit... yeah... i wanted to crush that. I will always be around to confront them when the time is right and if i ever meet them in person beyond an internet screen.
she's dead. she didn't ascend into light like the 47 can have potential. whether she had the 47, i wouldn't know i never got access to her birthdate information to chart her. It was near the end of her death that her team of "lightworkers" started incorporating the Gene Keys and Human Design and claiming she was Mother and creator of it all so they had divine authority to do whatever they want with it and basically rewrite in favor to her. I honestly stopped tracking them for my sanity sake after my hospitalization until news of her death came about... this was literally just a few weeks after i got out of the hospital and i was IN SHOCK. I still kept my distance until i was brought to see the documentary. 2021 was the peak of the spiritual warfare with her that spun me into possession with illumination, and on some level, she took possession of me alongside many other 'demons' i had to face (fear). Not many will believe this but, this bitch tried to body jump into me and take control of my vessel as a walk in... i screamed out "my feet are gone"... they "failed me" at one point and that was because she couldn't walk... she fucked herself up with alcohol and colloidal silver so bad...she looked like a mummified Voldemort by the time she died. It is truly horrifying.
she got completely rejected by the Holy Trinity within my being... if it didn't have authority and my lack of will (open heart), i (kymberly) would have completely walked out and who knows what she would be doing. even though i almost had enough sympathy for her that she almost succeeded... how she would have convinced her followers i was her new chosen vessel... i haven't a clue because they hated me... and probably still do. even though half of them dropped off the face of the internet since she died... grief sucks. i grieved her too... i felt all her people and that is some HELLUVA Empathic gift and psychic sense and im a strong as bitch to have survived any of it. Voices telling me to kill myself or that outside forces wanted me to die... you try explaining any of that to doctors observing you... not knowing you already are observing your mind the entire time but have no control of the CONFUSION that came from the long term LUCID dreaming/walking and astral battles waged.
Now i have been too shell-shocked to even mention any of this for the public to read. But with the current transits im just not giving a fuck anymore. this is basically what happened to me to the best of my ability to transcribe and i must do what i do with my alchemical writing in order to move any of it through my body and press forward. Like i said my entire stay at the hospital and what lead up to it is a whole book of its own. this is just the beginning of the iceberg from 2018-2023. I barely between 2014-2018 caught up on sharing my pains and woes of 'my past' then... and then NEW traumas occurred to pile on top of that...I thought i was going to be publishing a book but nope... i was only just getting started. *face palm* and this supposed Book Of Blooming... i don't even know what to CALL IT... is still just that... continuing to bloom.
This is the DEPTH of my TRUTH, PHYCOLOGY AND TRANSFORMATIONS. This group is now trying to write a documentary continuing the one from HBO in remembrance calling it "True Reali-Tea" on 5D Full Disclosure (no longer Love Has Won) and their new "Inside Love Has Won" YouTube series. I don't know why im guided to this crap, but im pretty over it. Like Malachi has stated... and i align...she was a thief. They blaspheme the Story of Creation giving her the credit. I WILL NOT WORSHIP ANOTHER WHO MAKES THEMSELVES A MESSIAH. I found her and just wanted to be FRIENDS (because of the galactic connections and stories of creation as I SHARED them, at first didn't realize she was claiming as her own story. i didn't get completely involved until 2017), and i was OSTRASIZED. That in and of itself... showed me she and all of them were FRAUDS. Of course they are going to continue their shenanigans and i have no control. I won't be hospitalized going to war with them again. They will censor those who don't have experiences according to their own, creating a whole new religion. She didn't Unify anything, she was competitive herself... and all her talk about the Cabal.. all the talk of DUALITY... yeah... that... you're still trapped IN it... she didn't free herself, neither has any of them... they think they have no fear... but even thinking you're fighting something... that too is an illusion. oh silly human's. I too used to fear "all that"... so many Lightworkers talking about the light vs the dark... when the key... to everything is in the 1 and 3... only way there is full surrender... and my being knows the ultimate illumination is that I can take no Identity... so no I won't be an Amy Carlson...But I will do Great Work in my lifetime
I AM MagiKula Kymberly K3 TRINITY of Magdalene (Divine Feminine Holy Trinty Heart) Service... a being of LIGHT AND LOVE...
according to "Ryan Kramer" Lia represents "light of God". This light courses through my very veins.
My son's Name is Elijah... "Lija" He is the El-Lija
I AM Lija- so are my children, so are all children, so are you, we all have it within us. (J can represent Jesus perhaps... i prefer the name Y(J)eshua.)
Claim it and Fuck Amy and her own human ego and arrogance claiming it, thinking SHE can wake anyone up and those trying to are only leading people astray because SHE is NOT OUR Individuated Auric Strategy & Authorities
Lija now is a Source Code Activation, like Trinity.
All in all... fuck names and labels within Unity Divine Consciousness.
AMY/LIA whatever anyone wants to refer her to...other than "mother God"- haunts me...there is nothing holy about that. you all GLORIFY her when she was A MIMICK. I claimed at one point to be the mimick.. and that shadow is in the gene keys. I wasn't really SLEEPING, doing her whole DEPRIVATION thing... for whatever reason... so a to of my projections and thoughts were abstract as fuck.
She's dead. DEAD. and I AM SICK OF HEARING IT. SHE IS NOT THE HOLY SPIRIT... I don't grasp how a whole group can watch a woman die... literally... mummify before them... and make her a shrine. THEY SHOULD HAVE TURNED HER INTO A RESIN TABLE SO THEY CAN GAZE ON HER BODY FOREVER. they all enabled her alcoholism... refused to let her go to the hospital. My heart cried for her... just having to witness any human go through that... i made ONE video that will only be released to those who ask and pay for the passcode because I was at the epitome of my Illumination/Psychosis/Confusion.
THIS was my lived experience and journey. i will expand upon it in greater detail in another blog but I'm having to face the anger that still resides here... and fear revolving around HER and THEM.
I reached out to Lia/Amy in 2017 and i haven't gotten to PROCESS and UNPACK it and i doubt i ever fully will...All these interviews and documentaries INFURIATE ME... because i was left out. My half of things will forever go buried. Everyone will see me as the even MORE crazy lady who left insane comments. I am owning my own story, journey and wont live in fear of judgment...just same as Aurora says in this video im sharing. (please don't become a sheep OBSERVE these videos don't be deceived and become a devout please). I will show the dark side of Amy/Lia and this is no illusion.
'God' is neither male or female
I AM AUTHENTIC... and REAL.. and that's what i have said from the very beginning. I seek to understand but i also seek to investigate and see how much is being manipulated and bring the LIJA out of the Darkness.
I find it funny that i ignored this group for years... and i only come aware of them when they have new content that is feeding her energy such as this. All Aurora is talking about is the Iching 1=Masculine 2=Illusioin Feminin (doesn't even exists really... it is the unknown. Like I discussed with a friend in my past, Amy had a lot of content that was 'correct', but she stole it... it's not hers to make claim.)
AMY is NOT the PRIME source... *major eye roll* and I will challenge this forever. aside from my blogs and future books, I won't challenge them directly, As none of it is in my control, but can speak my truth here.
DO NOT BE DECEIVED.
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