Dear Justice System: Meet The Master Manipulator!

Read these articles before you read this blog:
 8 Ways To Protect Yourself From Emotional Manipulation
A Letter To Ego
6 Metaphysical Laws Everyone Should Know
The Brain-Gut Connection For Mental Well Being
11 Ways To Live A Happier Life According To Psychologists (No relevance to money)
Meditation Can Vanquish Mentle Disorders

on january 2014 i sat down and created a "schedule" in which i compiled our holiday/summer schedule that the court adopted in April 2013 and the school year calendar (that specifies dates of breaks, early release or no school dates) into one document. Since we are based off of a 50/50 week by week parenting agreement, I transitioned ALL these events into a schedule that will help transition the children to and from each home more consistently on a week to week basis. We agreed in Aug 2013 that parenting time would switch from fri-fri, however on Sept 28th 2013 Benjamin and I had a verbal/written (via google messaging) agreement that we would change this to Mon-Mon, and that this would then continue to be our adopted schedule. I told him and i quote "this is not going to change again" because I didn't want to have to go through THIS (what we are RIGHT NOW) again (revising a while new schedule). He even addressed that we get this "new agreement filed with the court". It's been a year since we implemented this schedule and that has not happened and he REFUSES to sign the new agreement I drafted on January 21 2014 (even tho its fully based off of court papers, the only slight difference is he was given winter break 1 and i was given winter break two, and when the "two week summer shift" begins. Instead of if beginning the first day school is let out its begins the last monday school is let out. for example: school releases wed the 28th, the parenting time beging for the "summer" on monday the 26th) so that i can go do this. The kids have gotten used to mon-mon as have I when dealing with work and other important appointments needed for myself and the kids well being. It makes more sense to me to start our parenting time at the beginning of the week instead of the end. School starts mondays, work starts mondays... the WEEK starts on MONDAYS. Going off of a weekly schedule even the WORLD revolves around makes more logical sense then starting and ending of Fridays.

It was also agreed in mediation that we would work to find a daycare for our son that accepts CCAP so that I can work without any problems or drama or having to ask for Ben to help watch them when it is not his parenting time, and also to find after school care for our daughter and possibly a new school that has a giftend and talented program. We have been following our mediation and court agreements verbatim except with our drop off/pick up times fluctuating until a consistent daycare or school was chosen to have that as the main place for drop off and pick up to transpire (whether either parent needs to pick up/drop off in the morning or before 6 pm). Up until this point (now that this is being requested to start happening), mother has been majorly doing ALL transportation for parental switch days, this transportation always transpiring at the fathers residence, whether it being pick up or drop off, majorly for our youngest child since otherwise we did transfer for our daughter at her school. I am simply requesting Benjamin Brooks to return to our regular agreements (aside from altering back to fri-fri) and he isn't cooperating.

He's insisting we revise the entire schedule we've implemented the past year to revert back to fri-fri which will cause a whole commotion of schedule confusion that he isn't willing to revise himself, and if we don't revert back to it he is REFUSING to do drop offs and pick ups at the daycare/school. He is not willing to write up a schedule as i did previously from the mon-mon and have it switched to fri-fri which was my ONLY recommendation that he do and we can continue that, otherwise what we have in place already works just fine and I'm not going to go through the head ache to revise it AGAIN when we agreed already that this won't change again back in September. He just doesn't want to take the responsibility to take them to school in the morning and pick them up by 6pm. I do not want to continue transfers at one anothers residential homes, there is no need for it when there is a PUBLIC and NEUTRAL facility we can do this at or through, quite possibly without even having to interact with one another face-face (which IS in the best interest of the children). During the summer or if there isn't a neutral place to transfer it should be agreed that instead of mother bringing the children to the fathers when his time is to begin, that the father pick them up himself when his time is to begin, and the same goes for the mother. Otherwise starting on monday mornings children should be dropped off in the MORNING (before 12) at daycare or school and picked up in the evenings (before 6) after school at the school/daycare. If a parent is late in picking up the children they are expected to solely pay the fee the daycare chooses to charge to keeping them past their designated "open" hours. when there isn't school or daycare available (during the possible summer months) then both children should be picked up in the morning (as if being dropped off at school) by the father and mother shall pick them up the following monday after work no later then 6pm (as if picking up from school).

 I have also been trying to get certain therapies for both my daughter and my son. physical therapy which my lawyer and doctor wanted her to do after our car accident in April 2014 and also for our son i feel it is necessary that he currently be in behavioral and stress therapy. I am currently engaging with him in family therapy as he is showing many signs of stress including, separation anxiety, emotional instability, and a defiant front to potty training. I've had issues finding him a daycare to consistently stay at due to his behavior and high maintenance need for attention and stubbornness to have his own will and be independent. Although I have tried communicating my concerns with their father about all these things, he's chosen not to co-parent in these endeavors for the best benefit of our children. He believes "he can help them himself", yet my childrens behavior and verbal language does not prove he is doing this or working to do these things for our kids himself even though he claims he can "do better and that i am "incompetent" for throwing them into "therapists laps". I'm more then willing to show you copies of these texts he sent me in response to my concerns. Our daughter has been through therapy, our son has not. Our daughter has complained that "Eli gets all the attention and daddy doesnt spend any time with her". Yes therapy is meant to be a temporary thing, but with all the given issues we have at foot, i find it to be beneficial at this time. After all Ben forced me to see therapist the entire time he claimed i was "emotionally unstable" and I did it. Benjamin Brooks seems to be dead set in opposing everything I'm requesting and suggesting we "fix" it by "spending more time "together" with the kids". I find this will work individually but I will not spend time "with him" to benefit our kids, because I don't see how that WILL benefit them, when I am never comfortable being around him to begin with and my children will sense that. There are boundaries put in place for us to have as LITTLE face to face interaction with one another as possible. He is going against what any right minded THERAPIST, MENTOR or even AUTHORITY i have spoken to would advise we do. He's not only forced ME through therapy after 2 years of already VOLUNTARILY utilizing it (because of his abandonment of our family including the kids in 2011, and because of his ongoing affair with Amanda Burkhart (his still currently girlfriend/common law wife), claiming that i am Emotionally Unstable and need to "deal with unresolved issues in regards to our divorce/ relationship". I have already done EVERYTHING I CAN to fix "me" that I don't see anything else needing "fixing". I am not concerned about him and his girlfriend and could honestly at this point CARE LESS about them anymore at this point. I've MOVED ON. I get frustrated simply because this man will NEVER listen to me and thinks he's RIGHT and NOTHING I say or do will change his mind. I'll quote what brings me to believe this. "if i seem like im dismissing your ideas too quickly moving forward, please understand that its 99% because I probably already thought of it myself and decided a different way is more efficient or better for the kids in the big picture. you know me and you know that i think my way through just about every possible solution imaginable. i know we both want what we think is best for the kids. please keep that in mind the next time we have a disagreement on something". This is how it always happens even though I DO THE EXACT SAME THING as far as finding what is most efficient and better (consistent) for the kids in the big picture. He just assumes "his way" is the "best" when that's not always the case. He dismissal's ANYTHING i say before i can even say it! which is what frustrates me and makes me seem "emotional". he calls them "tantrums" but i dont have "tantrums", I am very self aware and have learned very well how to keep myself calm and collected,  I'm just TIRED of not being HEARD or TAKEN INTO CONSIDERATION! He has no RIGHT nor does he have 100% decision making to make THE FINAL DECISION ALL THE TIME BEFORE even going over it with me or to even ASSUME "HIS" decision is the best before hearing mine. I AM working to maintain balance and consistency in both our lives and the kids, and all he does is ARGUE with me. It's been this way for 8 years since I've known him and STILL because of HIM i cannot find a balance of stability He totally contradicts himself because he could SIMPLY be agreeing to start drop off and pick up at the daycare and school (regardless of location and when drop off/pick up times are at) instead of saying we change EVERYTHING "if we're to go back to that". Yet he won't make the effort HIMSELF to change the schedule i drew up mutually for us both, to do this.I have one simple request. I do EVERYTHING he requests of me up until this point, i think i've proven that to the courts and everyone else that I'LL DO EVERYTHING AND ANYTHING FOR MY KIDS, and he can't do this ONE LITTLE THING. I'm WILLING to go back to fri-fri, IF THIS TIME HE PUT THE TIME AND RESPONSIBILITY INTO CHANGING IT. if FOR ONCE "HE" TAKES THE RESPONSIBILITY. He ACTS like hes being the "responsible" one out of the two of use, but really all he's doing is making up excuses and plans that he never follows through on and then diverting that responsibility onto me saying "i'm not doing good enough" with it (when he cant even handle it himself). Or says we're dealing with the present circumstances because of "my" mistakes, not his. I would do it myself like i always do anyways to AVOID THESE CONFRONTATIONS, but I'm trying to prove a point in the fact that he always has to have HIS way, and I wind up having to do all the hard and responsible stuff by MYSELF anyways, and I'm sick and tired of that continuing.

I feel like the ONLY one TRULY looking out for the BEST INTERESTS of our kids, while he PRETENDS he is but really everything just revolves around him and what HE wants. This is me putting my foot down that HE CANNOT CONTROL ME ANYMORE, and this is stuff we shouldn't even be ARGUING ABOUT ANYMORE. Please refer to our previous CPS case papers where they closed their case stating "FATHER USES CHILDREN TO CONTROL MOTHER" under DOMESTIC ABUSE. I don't know what more I can do to try and show you guys this man's actions and lies and deceit. his melactious and selfish intents to continually disrupt the flow of our lives. If he wasnt LYING to me on Oct 3 2013 he wouldn't have said this and i quote "I just want you to know that i do respect you and want us to move beyond the past few years so we can work together for the benefit of the children. You know that you and i dont always see eye to eye. we are going to have the occasional argument no matter how hard we both try not to. just have to learn to compromise and pick your battles. for example: I'm trying to go along with the Monday swap, even though i find it a little odd, because I'm trying to avoid fighting and help you. by helping you with your scheduling the kids benefit the most and they dont get stuck in the middle of a disagreement between you and me. a little flexibility is all i've ever asked in return". here I am... trying to balance the schedule so its FAIR on both ends and I don't have to ask him for his help all the time and interrupt HIS life. If he's trying to get along and avoid fighting, my question is why is he even resisting dropping off and picking them up where they are supposed to be to begin with!? He is in essence just complicating our lives right now and causing me UNDESERVED AND NEEDED STRESS because now i'm forced to bring it before the courts to tell us what to do and make a decision because he wont allow me to make ANY and i DO NOT AGREE with how he is dealing with it right now.Haven't been agreeable towards what he's been doing long before CPS was even involved. He was LUCKY I didn't call CPS on HIM before he did me! Before this I solely took care of our kids mon-fri and he MAYBE took them on the weekend. ON MY OWN i had to deal with a new born and a 4 year old! I'm INNOCENT AND ONE OF THE MOST TRUSTING AND QUALIFIED MOTHERS YOU WILL MEET, and with charismatic words he led you all to believe I WAS THE CRIMINAL AND ABUSIVE AND NEGLECT-ANT ONE. (well who holds him accountable for his NEGLIGENCE the past 8 years!) Who's the one who has the felony's and who's the one who BAILED HIM OUT OF JAIL in 2009!? I am the ONLY ONE compromising ALL the time, I compromised MY ENTIRE TEENAGE AND YOUNG ADULT LIFE FOR HIM. I'M the one whos flexible and usually does everything HE says. NOT the other way around. If i learned these bad habits he's the one to blame and sadly i have to use the same tactics he does against me to WIN THIS GAME THAT IM TIRED OF PLAYING. He was the one insisting to be my teacher all these years, I guess he didn't like looking into the mirror of himself, he finally saw how UGLY it is, and i was tired of staring into the mirror of the same UGLINESS and placed boundaries to escape it! And once I stopped allowing him to "teach me" because it was all WRONG, rebellious, vindictive, opposite of everything I was to the core of my soul, he retaliated. That's the difference between us. I'm a good nice person usually even when I'm treated like crap I apologize for whatever harm or pain i MAY have caused even if I haven't caused ANY. He has always been known as the "asshole" and he wore the name with some sort of arrogant pride for as long as I knew him. His actions and treatment toward me hasn't changed so I dont assume he's changed much in that area. He never respected me before, and he only continues to teach our children to have disrespect toward me as well. All i'm asking for is someone to step in and break this cycle because I've done EVERYTHING i can to do it, and i can't keep on doing it.

at this point most of that i'm telling you is now "heresay", he was allowed to use "heresay" on me and tell his piece, I feel. I never spoke my piece because I refused to continue this debate. I hardly defended myself and without a lawyer i didn't have the correct words to say, i just profusely apologized because in order to defend myself I would need to throw his mistakes into his face, to continually cast stones at one another. I wasn't going to hold over his head what he shouldn't have been holding over mine the whole time. I wasn't going to brnig up the past anymore because I was tired of him bringing it up to make me feel guilty or control me when I wasn't making the same mistakes or choices, i was changing on my own and maybe HE felt intimidated by that because he couldnt or wouldnt do so himself.I show and live through integrity and it's not my fault he can't do the same thing. in 2011 I had people defending me and supporting me and he didn't like that because they helped break that bondage he had over me. Fact of the matter is, I am as much these childrens mom and knows whats best for them as he is their father and thinks he knows best for them. (even though i have countless witness's of how much of a IRRESPONSIBLE PARENT he has been since our daughter was born and enough people to tell you how much involvement they saw him have with our daughter). I am a young mother who has taken on the responsibilities that TWO people should be managing and I may as well have been doing it alone since our daughter was 9 months old. I am working (very crappy hours that don't bring the money i need like i WOULD be getting if i could work thur-sun), planning on going back to school, my work schedule and times REVOLVE around my kids and the schedule we have in place FOR THEM. Even working my butt off, i can hardly afford to pay my bills or live to do ANYTHING fun with my kids, im dependent solely on government assistance which I am not proud of. My schedule revolves around their school and EVERYTHING, I can only work part time because i HAVE to be a part time mom as well (i wont give that up nor do i allow anyone else such as my parents or boyfriends to take over responsibility that is mine and should only be mine). My world revolves around EVERYONE BUT MYSELF. I think of myself for one second and immediately someone comes down on me for it. Can you see why my energy can get so intense at times? because I'm doing EVERYTHING, trying to PROVE i'm the ONLY ONE doing EVERYTHING, while this man sits there, PRETENDS to KNOW and have the answer to EVERYTHING, when really he hasn't done ANYTHING. He is a MASTER MANIPULATOR and will bring confusion wherever he goes because he twist lies until they SOUND like truth. He's your stereotypical Silver Tongue! There's a very definite reason I will NEVER trust the WORDS of this man again, even while everyone else blindly does.whether his intentions are good or not, he's already got an anterior motive behind the scenes that benefits him.

Has he gone to therapy to deal with HIS emotional issues I know and sense are still present since its HIM who keeps bringing up our past when I'm simply discussing our children and tell him to stop living in denial over what they need. I don't bring up the divorce or anything related to the past because my intentions are set in the present and what would be better for both our futures.I won't even respond to him anymore when he tries to hook me in and say our children s behavior and tantrums are "my fault". I was forced to go BACK to therapy after 2 years because HE THOUGH I NEEDED IT, but when it comes to the cold hard facts that i think its time HE did a year of therapy, he claims he doesn't need it. He couldn't uphold to do the 3 therapy sessions he was supposed to do with his daughter and I, he did 2! I'm sorry your honor but at least I'm not living in denial and I face my demons no matter how ugly they are. and when someone suggest i seek therapy, i take their advice and do so. I underwent twice a week drug tests for 8 months strait to prove i wasnt a "druggy" (never have been), and I was honest about my use for medical marijuana. There being NO REASON i should have to quit using it as it is a prescription to me and is now LEGAL in colorado, I honestly refused to quit (simply because i didn't HAVE to and he was only trying to FORCE me to, and i did not have it in front of the children). I would be able to quit if i was getting the treatment i am now for the car accidents i have been in (and im sorry i choose that over pills that would knock me out and not even be able to take proper care of my kids), if i wasn't stressed out (which causes me to revert into an anorexic state) from Ben, and court and child protective services breathing down my neck over problems that where deriving from him and not me, and me only proving my "insanity" trying to make everyone realize the truth. I was in therapy with therapists telling me i wasn't crazy, how I wish i knew how to get them into court to testify for me to make everyone see what I was saying.

Benjamin Curtis Brooks has needed Physiological Therapy since I've known him. He used to claim he would kill himself if ever I left him (at least said he would join the army again and plan to get blown up in the "front lines"), that he would have no reason to live. (this made me feel trapped into a relationship with him) In the army he attempted suicide, and his violent actions throughout the years that I've known him, further more show he's in dire need of this. I deal with my problems and CHANGE. I don't sit there and pretend they dont exist. I apologize, and move on from there. HE IGNORES THEM, LAUGHS IN MY FACE AND TELLS ME TO GET OVER IT AND JUST CONTINUES TO PROJECT HIS OWN CRAP AND MISTAKES AND INSECURITIES ONTO ME and God only knows who else! I'm sick and tired of it, I will not be a dumping ground for his unresolved issues anymore. I sure as hell haven't kept up the habit of dumping mine onto him and continually throwing stones at each other unless i'm drove to the edge and FORCED to. Deal with this consistently enough and see how SANE YOU ARE. HOW LONG YOU CAN HANDLE IT BEFORE YOU BREAK. It'll turn any fair minded, down to earth peace loving person into a raging angry gorilla! REGARDLESS, I've resolved my "issues", I have a track record of what I've DONE IN ACTION to PROVE that I am in the right mind and I'm actively KEEPING my mind on positive things, regardless HOW DIFFICULT Ben makes that for me at times. HE is the only thing standing in my way of sanity and feeling completely healthy, every time I have to deal with him, I feel like I'm crazy, because that's what domestically abusive people do. They make YOU look like the psycho and tell you your the psycho. what does he have to show or prove what HES done to change for the better of our children since we separated? After all he's the one who had an affair, not me. He constantly claims hes "trying to trust me again" when i have done nothing to him, if anything he has trust to gain back on MY end. everything that's happened to him was caused by his own actions and choice, he created a major domino effect that he will not turn around and look at the destruction he caused and the only thing I can say is he's angry because he can't have me anymore, that I'm not so easy to manipulate and control anymore nor so willing to jump when he says jump and do everything the way he thinks it should be done. He knows i'm spiritual and always have been, he uses that to attack me and try to bend me to HIS WILL, it doesnt work anymore. we've been doing things the way he wants for over 8 years and look at his track record. If i "followed in his footsteps" exactly we both would have wound up in jail. No I think over the years I'm the only one whos had a level head and knew the right choice from the wrong choice and did her best to do the RIGHT even when she wasn't taking HIS advice to do the WRONG thing. He can try to claim all he wants that its ME who's the monster, whos messed up and made poor choices, who wasn't watching out for the best interest of the kids or protecting them, but I'll say this now when i should have said it in June 2012 when all this crap began but i was too flabbergasted to be listening to the bull crap he was throwing at me.he is simply talking about himself more then he is talking about me only he's unwilling to admit or take responsibility for ANY of it (including his girlfriend who hasn't said anything to be besides "i dont understand why you hate me so much, all i've every tried to do is help"... GREAT "HELP" SHE'S BEEN. If you call stealing another womans man "helping" by all means... THANKS FOR HELPING, HE'S A TOXIC EMOTIONAL MANIPULATOR AND YOU CAN HAVE HIM! but the sad thing is she thinks she can take my kids too because she herself is infertile and can't have children. at least thats what I assume and with how much shes "helped" thinking i need her advice in any degree regarding my own kids (WHO SHE WATCHED ME GIVE BIRTH TO) really blows my mind, what makes her think that i would trust someone who posts a picture of MY kid on facebook and captions it "This is the cutest baby in the WORLD. I shall steal him and he shall be mine!" and no less then a few weeks later she's sleeping with my HUSBAND, and months after defending him and attempting to take them out of my custody and have "authoritative involvement" in supervising me along side ben with my own children and being present in CPS meetings. Trying to act "protective" and "motherly" toward my son even when I'm there to do it already as their rightful mother. She was attached to Ben's hip long before we ever even SEPARATED. I could FEEL it when i was pregnant with my son but i purposely stayed ignorant of the fact because I didn't want to loose my entire family I worked so hard to keep together all these years! I WILL NOT APOLOGIZE FOR BEING ANGRY! My own kids words when she was 4 years old "Mommy used to be nice and now she's mad"... of course I'm mad! Look at what the two of them are BLIND to doing to us! I love my kids so much the only way they could have any revenge to hurt me (especially ben) was to take my kids away from me. Maybe he was purposely trying to drive me towards death so he wouldn't have to look at me and feel guilt anymore, or what, but it didn't work. He got close... I'll admit to that, but my love and strength for my kids to have an abundant, healthy and sane life, free from abuse, violence, disrespect, irresponsibility, I picked myself back up, by the grace of God, and i will not allow him to ever make me look or feel inferior and incompetent again.

I've take all the responsibility because he doesnt have the backbone himself to do it! I've made a few mistakes, I'll admit, but given i was a pretty strait forward, "good girl" since he met me when i was 16, i've made better choices then he has over the years. Please tell him to explain the incurable STD he gave me three months after I gave him my virginity?! Who the hell is perfect and being young we're ALL going to experiment at some points. I'm sorry he did that when he was 14, and I waited until I was 23 and most these "poor decisions" derived from the emotional and mental abuse HE was dealing towards me since I was a teenager. I have ALWAYS had my children s best interest at heart, LONG before he ever did because he used to scream at our daughter who was one month old in the middle of the night to "SHUT THE FUCK UP" because "by then she should know not to scream like that". Maybe once or twice did he ever change a diaper for her. I'm emotional because even when I avoid him, he does EVERYTHING he can to push my triggers! I'm sorry I'm Empathic and HIGHLY sensitive, but that's not an ILLNESS! HE was the one who had an emotional affair that blew up into a physical one, decided to ABANDON me with the children (our son only two weeks old at the time) and then continually talk about suicide or moving out of state, and showing signs of being emotionally unstable himself, depression to the degree that he wanted to place our children up for adoption, he went as far to to try and force me to relinquish MY GUARDIANSHIP RIGHTS over to my step father or HIS parents. EVERYONE but himself or myself because he was certain "neither of us where stable enough or could give them what they deserve". He can leave the family for selfish and stressful reasons that i could have left over years before we had kids (and honestly tried), but i was NOT going to give up my children, that i CHOSE to have, simply because HE wanted to GIVE UP. I DON'T GIVE UP EVEN WHEN PEOPLE ARE TELLING ME I SHOULD!

i dont understand why he keeps trying to revoke the responsibilities that should legally be the biological mothers by default (or clain he should have 50% custody) and try to give them to family or friends or girlfriends who shouldn't be allowed these over the mother. for example, Ben works full time working night shifts, im not exactly what days but last he communicated his only day "off" was saturdays, but i am aware that he will sometimes work 12 hour shifts and he doesn't work during the day, he works at night. He has to sleep sometime so I'm guessing the majority of the day he's sleeping, and my kids continually complain about him playing games more then spending time with them, and so amanda, grandma, or papa watch them and take them to do "fun stuff". Though I am understanding that he needs to rest to work, the fact that his play time comes before them, doesnt put a smile on my face (because this is the same pattern he had in our marriage). The fact that another woman, beside myself, is putting my kids to bed and spending time with them during the day when I could be doing that, or have neutral licensed and experienced professionals and being challenged educationally, really makes me frown even more. When my kids could be with me and have the consistency of school/daycare that i can provide them while i work or go to school myself during the day, i always have the evenings available with and for them to do something fun or be a family together. their biological parent if able and AVAILABLE should be involved in taking them to these things and being responsible solely for them in these activities. That seems more ideal then having someone who isn't even related to them doing it, and if they are related (grandparents), it shouldn't be something they are often doing for the kids as the parents are alive and capable of doing it themselves. My son isn't a baby anymore, he can go to preschool, yet he still likes to "believe" he 's a baby because his dad's family treats him as one. I wont' apologize for wanting MORE for my kids. At this point if we are going to be arguing about our schedule I want to go ahead and argue about our entire custody agreement. (which i was never allowed to respond to in August 2013 because ben had never told me the court had sent him papers saying they got our stipulation from mediation and that they "authorize a hearing on permanent allocation of parental decision-making and that Ben where ordered to provide a copy of this order to any pro-se parties who had entered an appearance in the action within 10 days from the date of the order. I never got copies of anything until i went to court directly in January myself and accidentally saw that we had any sort of response. I had 21 days to "appeal" which i would have rather had a court appearance before the stipulation was adopted to clarify things, but i wasn't even informed on anything. Ben chose to make final decisions himself and tell them we didn't want a hearing since "I" wasnt causing problems between us at the present time. I will add that it was only because the courts gave me 50% themselves that he "allowed" this to happen, he otherwise wanted 75% and to give me 25% and refused to budge from that in mediation, so i felt him taking decision making actions over this was unfair)

I want 205 days a year with my children, this accounts for me having them Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday night every week and at least ONE weekend per month (so i can take off work and do entertainment activities with my children) and Ben will have 160 days a year. This accounts for 3 Friday, saturday and sunday nights. Given the fact that Ben does not spend the entire week taking responsibility of our kids or spending time with them because he is working or otherwise "busy", I do not feel he needs to have 50% custody. He has enough time available to spend with them one day a week at this point, and the majority of the time my children are with his girlfriend or parents. I would honestly be happy to take care of the children myself during the time that Benjamin is unable to do so himself. If we had this schedule I could also WORK more on the weekends and make more adequate paychecks to support the children when in my own care, and also to support myself (and plan to be independent from my father). This would also allow me the ability to place the children in school or a consistent daycare for Elijah that he can attend weekly, and have consistency so that he can bond with other children and teachers that he's around and get used to that social environment before he enters into Kindergarten. If we went to this agreement I would request that court appoint whatever they deep adequate for child support from the father to the mother as this would be beneficial to the children. In conclusion to whatever this is I'd like to state that Benjamin Brooks one said to me and i quote "I'll be damned if I'm going to allow Jefferson County to dictate my life forever. I'll quit my job and drop off the face of the planet before I'll allow that." This was during a disagreement over what is a fair amount of "child support to pay" and he didn't like that the equation was more then $400 for both the kids. I think Ben's only motive behind wanting custody of our kids, is not THEIR best intentions, but his intentions NOT to have to "support "me" the rest of their lives" and he "cannot "trust" me not to spend it on drugs or entertainment expenses for myself. Which i have never done in the past nor would do now or in the future with money that is intended for my children. Okay Mr. Brooks, bare in mind I don't even WANT your money, I have and can continue to manage with the kids on my own, but if you keep resisting me this is how it's going to wind up. So please disappear now so the rest of us can actually move on and live peaceful lives without your constant chaos surrounding us.


Text between Ben And I that may bring a little more "light" and "understanding" to the situation:


What I wish I could respond with instead i just remain silent:

It wasnt meant to be signed or returned to me, i dont need it to be snd its perfectly accurate and NOT screwed up. I switched maybe the winter weeks around and thats it, tweaking tjat made things smoother and equal for everyone. Quit acting like im not thinking about you in making this schedule. If u insist that it was wrong go ahead and try to make a better one with fri-fri and make the schedule change on paper and give me a copy, otherwise it stays mon-mon even when they are in school/daycare, that doesnt change regardless as we agreed to change it to mondays and ill gladly send you proof of our agreement through text. If u wont make up the new schedule then guess we'll see each other in mediation and i guarantee the courts will send us there again even if one of petition to go before the judge. Its mediation whether you like it or not, because im not going to debate meaningless tit tatt bs with you anymore,ive grown up and LET GO of a lot more then you know now its your turn to do the same! I dont bring up our divorce anymore last I checked u tried bringing it up a few weeks ago and I refused to respond because IT DOESN'T MATTER ANYMORE! I care only about the best benefits of our kids and their COMPLETE EMOTIONAL AND MENTAL STABILITY. Ultimately keeping balance and consistency in their lives and ours because im tired of this CHAOS. If you think resisting me and belittling me and giving me advice you dont even hold true to yourself is going to run me out of our childrens lives you better think twice. I fought you from day one when you wanted to give them up for adoption because YOU couldn't handle the responsibility on your own! Im over bringing the god damn past up.  LETS MOVE FORWARD!!!!!!!!!! Research Karma-tic relationships, thats exactly what WE have going on and im done dancing the repetitive control dance with you. In this life it STOPS. Im DONE with you, FINITE. Im not crazy im AWAKE, but you always try to bring me DOWN to your pathetic level where you are blinded and full of fear and ego and need for complete control.  You are nothing but an energy vampire and thats why I choose consciously to stay away from you. You are simply an annoying bee that I must compassionately say "hello again, please go away. I actually feel rather sorry for you Ben be a you are stuck. Im not stuck, I kno exactly who and what I am and I am not a monster, never have been regardless of the black hole your aura briefly sends me into out of frustration. I am a descendant of angels and i work only through that of healing and divine power, my dreams, manifestations, and visions is ONLY FOCUSED ON THE HIGHER GOOD. I wish no ill will toward you, I dont understand why you cannot let go as well. I DO meditate constantly. I am VERY self aware and NOTHING you try to stab me with, will wound me anymore. I cleanse your psychic attacks against me away on a consistent basis. every time i have to remotely speak to in regards to our kids i have to put a protection bubble around myself so as you dont give me debilitating anxiety attacks anymore. You live in fear and resist letting go yourself. You project all your OWN insecurities onto me and im no longer taking responsibility or ownership of what you continually mirror onto me. Their is NOTHING WRONG WITH ME, I dont have a personality disorder nor am i emotionally unbalanced. I am an empath and HIGHLY INTUITIVE being, I get frustrated because you cant even begin to raise to the frequency I have or comprehend what level of emotion, care and passion and love and energy I put into separating these unhealthy bonds between us and ALL YOU DO IS RESIST. I know who I am Ben. Sadly I actually take your advice on meditation and health and forgiveness and and letting go. Honestly everything you ever tell me I really dont need your help or advice on because ive actually discovered it on my own already and have handled it on my own just fine. I dont need psyco therapists to reiterate to me over and over again that im not insane and you're just a master manipulator and control freak.  Im nothing but REAL, open, brutally honest in regards to my own truth, and I HAVE NOTHING TO HIDE EVER. I allow you to metaphorically hang me on the cross and take responsibility for what YOU all these years refuse to take responsibility for and im not afraid to say that to you anymore.  I have taken FULL and COMPLETE responsibility for anything I've done in this life and any past life, I have ultimately LET GO, forgiven not only myself but those who have hurt and betrayed me. the only hatred left inside me is for the negative energies of fear, anger, and revenge, that  wreck havick on this dense planet and keep everyone in a defensive state of mind. I FEEL SORRY FOR PEOPLE WHO WONT OPEN THEIR MINDS AND BREAK FREE FROM THE BULL SHIT MATRIX WERE FORCED TO BELIEVE IS OUR REALITY! they limit only themselves! I refuse to place myself  in a boxed up monotonous life. life was meant to be simpler then this. I want broken FREE from such negative bondage's and mindsets to once again feel joy and freedom! If you cannot bring this into your own life, stop dragging me down and into your low vibrations that you arent willing to do the dirty work and self realization to raise above and live in harmony with others. Cuz I dont need that in my life anymore, I HAVE A PURPOSE, A DESTINY, and ben I am STILL WORTHY OF LOVE. Ho'oponopono (research it).